Diary of a Fully Committed Diet Coke Addict

Jail Bird

2012-02-10T08:02:00.001-08:00

Our conversation in the car after Zach had taken off his seatbelt for what had to be the 1000th time in his life:Me: Zach put your seatbelt on now.Zach: But mom, I like this song (he was dancing).Me: Zach do you know what will happen if you don't put your seatbelt on? A policeman is going to pull mom over and give me a ticket.Zach: Okay (resumes dancing)Me: Fine, do you know what else will happen? The policeman will take mom away and put me in jail. Is that what you want to happen?Zach: (without skipping a beat) It's okay mom. Dad and I will visit you and bring you a cake.On the day this kid graduates from college I'm going to show him this blog and say, "spend the next few hours reading this and you'll see why your dad and I gradually went insane during the last 21 years". I bet he'll offer to bake me a cake.

Too Risqué for Facebook, But It Had ToBe Written Down Somewhere...

2012-02-03T08:04:00.001-08:00

A story about an important moment of discovery:Setting: Zach playing in my bathtub while I'm reading just outside the door in my roomThe conversation:Zach- Mom, come here!Zach- Mom come here right now! I have something very important to ask youMe- What's up Zach?Zach- Mom,what are THESE?(points to his man parts)Me- Those are your testiclesZach- My WHAT?Me- Your testicles. Those are the things that will make you a daddy some day.Zach- They'll do WHAT????Me- Make you a daddy. They hold your semen and that's how boys create babies.Zach- Oh.(few minutes of silence as he mulls this info over)Zach- I guess I won't pop them then.Good call Zach.

All I Have To Say Is.....

2012-01-24T22:36:00.001-08:00

President Obama, you rock. Thank you for your commitment and passion for our country. Thank you for your strong leadership. I'm out.

When Cousins Date Cousins....

2012-01-06T11:05:00.001-08:00

Taylor and I we perusing Awkward Family Photos.com the other day and it hit me that I couldn't come up with the single most awkward moment of my life. it's bothered me since then, as I love uncomfortable situations like a dog loves fleas and feeling such you'd think I'd have a treasure trove of them stored up. It finally came to me today while I was getting ready and trying to make my face look ten years younger than it is.The time my cousin asked me out.To be fair, he was at least a third cousin but a cousin still. We were sitting in Sunday School when the horrible words were spoken "so, we should go to a dance together". How do you answer your cousin's proposal with any kind of decorum or democracy?? Say "wow, I'm flattered but no thanks", or "sorry, I have plans that night"???? I was too shocked to be kind. I just hurridly spewed out "that would be weird cause you are my cousin" while trying to hold in the vomit at the back of my mouth.He tried to recover by questioning the validly of my claims to familial ties, but let's be honest here. We lived in a small town where everyone came from one of 4 families. Our ties re so close it would probably be considered incest on multiple levels.We didn't take much after that.Awkward.

The Battery Powered Motorcycle...aka possibly the most dangerous present we've ever given.

2011-12-24T21:21:00.001-08:00

Whilst playing Santa's little helper with his father, Noah pointed out that Zach's present now allowed him a functional mode of transportation for when he runs away from home. It even has a storage container for the five shirts and one pair of shorts he always packs (notice no undies) when he gets ticked and heads for the hills.I'm not too worried though. Along with underwear he always fails to remember food in his satchel. He won't last 10 minutes until his tummy growls.

When He Has Therapy Later in Life He'll Refer Back To This Moment Alot....

2011-12-20T12:50:00.001-08:00

An emotional canyon just opened up between Zach and I. He asked if Sponge Bob was my favorite show too, and when I answered in the negative he gave me a "you are dead to me" look and turned away.

Taylor's guitar concert solo

2011-12-15T18:53:00.000-08:00

Zachie-isms....

2011-12-14T10:32:00.001-08:00

About a classmate: "I didn't hurt her feelings mom. I fixed them!"About his Primary teacher: "teacher was not at church on Sunday. She got fired. Yeah, she got fired cause she used the wrong kind of chapped lips medicine."About his bad behavior: "But mom, you can't get mad at me. I'm your very most special boy!"About his favorite brother: "hey bro, you want to play Legos with me cause you love me?"About being told no: "No more kisses for you until you give me a treat!"About feeling the spirit of Christmas: "Santa has his own special night where he gets to bring me presents".Oh my Zach :)

Cella Family Circus

2011-12-10T20:25:00.000-08:00

So I really need to know, does anyone else ever feel like this?????

We just got back from the Ward Christmas party, and I'm pretty sure the powers that be are trying to figure out a way to politely "forget" to invite us next year. While the other ward members were enjoying the lovely "stroll through Bethlehem" my little monsters were running in circles, spilling multiple cups of water, loudly proclaiming inappropriate feelings such as "when will this finally be over" and "I should be able to play with my iPod because this is sooooo boring", and the piece de resistance, screaming at the top of their lungs "I want more dog nut balls!!!!!!". Oh, and my teenager used the night to let everyone know how mean her parents are because they ruin her social life (aka make her babysit when people call and ask her) and lecture her for FOUR hours for holding a boy's hand. In other words, the very most appropriate place for her to bring the family's dirty laundry out for airing.

How did we punish such behavior? Well after counting to ten several times, we called for pizza from the parking lot, hit red box for some family friendly movies, and laughed our heads off as we recalled the train wreck that was our evening. Maybe not the best parenting- okay it's not even close to mediocre parenting- but I just couldn't bring myself to chastising. These are my kids, and they are pretty amazing in my eyes. Coming from two borderline insane parents, I'd say they are a freaking miracle. I'd like to think that we'll do things differently and better next time, but it probably won't happen. And I guess I'm okay with that. Welcome to the Cella family circus everyone!!!

What I'm Feeling on this Lovely Evening......

2011-12-09T21:59:00.000-08:00

*Haters are no bueno. Let's show some love people, and respect each other's differences.

*This is the second greatest day of my life. The first was the day Taylor babysat for the first time. Tonight, Noah babysat Zach for the first time for three hours and the house was still intact when we got back.

*My husband would gladly give me over to the robbers and murders who would attack us in the middle of the night if we left even one stupid door unlocked, especially if it meant he could save himself. I think it's because I'm puerto rican and therefore more naturally inclined to knife fighting.

*The Colbert Report is 100 times funnier than John Stewart. I just learned that you can get a poop

transplant, cause sometimes you need to "eat crap in order to live".

*Walmart at Christmas time could be part of a "Lord of the Flies" themed reality show.

Things Teenagers Post in Facebook That Make Me Want To Stab My Eyes Out

2011-12-06T11:36:00.001-08:00

1) Lyrics to Justin Beiber songs

2) Lyrics to any song

3) Recaps of their out-of-context conversations that are never funny

4) Professions of their undieing and forever love to the boy/girlfriend of 2 weeks

5) Professions of complete and total heartbreak when said boy/girlfriend breaks up with them at week 3.

6) Girls calling each other racial epitaphs, then fighting over who is the bigger 'ho and who is fatter.

7) Bashing sessions on their underpaid and unappreciated teachers because the teacher had the audacity to call them on their crap, or dared to enforce rules or let them make up an assignment.

8) Boys who call girls "hot" and think that's a compliment.

9) Asinine and degrading "rate me" games.

10) Any game that allows one person to rip and tear apart another under the guise of a "status update".

From the Mouths of Babes

2011-12-05T10:46:00.001-08:00

Zach just told me that he needed to turn his power off, so he went under the counter in the kitchen, turned his back to me, pulled up his shirt and started twisting something. I asked him if he'd show me his power button. He pulled up his shirt, pointed to a nip and said " see mom, that's where you turn me on and off. You just have to twist it".He didn't get why I thought it was so funny, so maybe when he's older I'll have to let him watch The Wedding Singer :)

Warning: verbal vomit to follow!

2011-09-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

I know it's pretty crappy of me to do this after taking such a long summer hiatus, but I really need to vent and since I vowed to myself that I wouldn't spew my negative feelings to the HUGE audience of Facebook, I'm going to do it here where no one will see it :) Sometimes I just get so many thought rolling in my head and I need a way to express them or I'll combust.

The past three months have been really trying. Not trying in a major catastrophe, trial or illness way, but in a personal, emotional way. I have questioned my faith in humanity so many times it's ridiculous. I mean really, how are you supposed to see the good and beautiful in people when you are given so much evidence of how much they can suck sometimes? Harsh, yes. I'm sorry I even put that statement out there. But I'm trying to be honest, and that's how I've honestly felt the last few months. A person I really respect and admire, when talking to me a while ago about one of the demoralizing instances that they witnessed first hand (and harbored a lot of my same feelings because of it), asked me how I am able to stay so positive. I was as truthful with him as I have ever been in my entire life. I told him that what he saw on the outside was in no way a reflection of how I felt inside, but I didn't want to poison everyone around me by expressing it. (Irony alert: I'm doing that just now). But now, in this moment, I've been able to reflect on all I've learned from these bad experiences and I must say, although some people really stink, there are also soooo many wonderful ones who support and love me. I think I took them for granted because they are always there, constant and firm, and it wasn't until I placed them in comparison with all the negative people that I saw what true gems they are. I have an amazing family that consists of brothers, sisters, in-laws, nieces and nephews that I treasure. My husband is a rock and true friend, and my kids are the joy of my life. I have had the opportunity to work with some of the coolest, strongest and funnest women over the past three years in YW, and I treasure their friendship. There are friends and neighbors who hide immense strength and resiliency behind simple, quiet exteriors. You could travel to the end of the earth and back and not find better people. Looking at them, learning from them helps me remember that not everyone is cruel. Not everyone says what they want without feeling or regard for others. Not everyone treats those who can't defend themselves with disdain and prejudice. I know now that I rely on these remarkable people and their example so much, more than I every thought possible. I hope I get the opportunity to let each of them know how much I have relied on their kind words, their smile in passing, or off-the-wall talks until 4 in the morning to keep me going. They've been my life-line, and I can only hope that one day I can be the same for someone else.

I'm sure this makes absolutely no sense, but thanks blogger for letting me get that out.

Soooooo........

2011-09-07T15:15:00.000-07:00

Holy crap where did the summer go? Between football and girls camp and youth conference, oh and getting released as YW pres. after 3 YEARS last week, I have no recollection of doing anything "summery". We haven't taken a family vacation in over 2 years because we suck as parents, but I think we're going to be forgiven because in march we're taking Tay and Noah to Italy!!!! Hallelujah, the last 5 years of hoarding frequent flyer miles has finally paid off. Those miles made every week-long business trip worth it. We are spending 6 days in Florence and 6 in Rome, and plan on using these cities as a base for visiting all the other cities and sites. The kids' passports came in the mail last week and we have our apartments set up in both cities. March can't come soon enough!!!

2011-05-03T12:52:00.000-07:00

(Holy cow can you believe that hair????)

Guess who is turning 14 tomorrow??????

Yes, that would be my Tay. I sometimes wonder at the fact that Heavenly Father chose me to be this angel's mom. Since her first breath, Tay has been a ray of light in our home. She is brilliant, strong, outgoing, funny and beautiful. She is not afraid to speak her mind or have contrary opinions. Tay has such a tender heart and is so wary of hurting others. She's a great sister and is loved and idolized by her 2 younger brothers . She's not perfect, but she's just about as close as you can get. Happy birthday tomorrow my wonderful girl. I heart you forever and ever.

(I added this picture of Tay and her Abuelo because they had such a special relationship, and just a few weeks ago marked 11 years since he passed away. Tay remembers him so well, even though she was only 3 when he died. She'll always be his "Hollywood Girl". I ADORE this picture, and miss my grandpa so much)

Just Ridiculous

2011-05-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

Question.....

Why are people taking one the greatest accomplishments of American military and intelligence efforts and turning it into a bipartisan battle? Who cares who gets more credit for it? Yes, Bush's administration got the ball rolling. Obama got the job done. One wouldn't be possible without the other, case closed. I am so sick of the negativity and pettiness of bipartisanship. Let's just enjoy the success and be thankful for brave soldiers and the brilliant minds that crafted the rescue. Congrats to Pres. Obama for strong leadership, and closing this chapter of America's fight on terrorism. His speech on Sunday night brought me to tears, and I was so proud of our country and what we can achieve. Shame on those who would take such a great moment in our history and deconstruct it until it means almost nothing.

Taylor's election video

2011-04-19T18:09:00.000-07:00

Tay's Election Speech

2011-04-19T18:04:00.000-07:00

Update Your Status!!!

2011-04-19T17:16:00.000-07:00

My absence over the last few weeks can be accounted for by 3 words: Junior High Elections.

Holy freak, when did junior high elections become a high stakes, frenzied production of videos, speeches and my favorite, the carnival wrist band? I remember school elections being a popularity contest where you felt cool if you were asked to carry a campaign sign between classes. Long gone are those days. Now, you really have to campaign. It's a multi-step process: first you have to get names on a petition supporting your right to become a candidate; second comes the awfully complex process of deciding on a campaign slogan- the all-important mantra that will grace your posters, campaign t-shirts (only 2 shirts, one for the candidate and the other for the "campaign manager") and wristbands (The kids are not allowed to hand out any "bribes" like candy, so instead they can give out carnival wrist bands with your slogan emblazon on with black sharpie). Tay's slogan was all about Facebook: "Update Your Status- Vote Cella for 9th Grade Officer!! Then there's primary elections. Because there were 9 candidates for the 3 ninth grade offices, they decided at the last minute to cancel primaries, which was both good and bad. It was good because all the students running got an opportunity to move on to the finals, but bad because it made the election process from start to finish almost 4 weeks long. The week of Spring

Break was spent filming the 3 minute election video, and writing the election speech. Then it was one more agonizing week of campaigning before Taylor was finally able to give her speech and video at the election assembly last Friday. The assembly was a mess. Every year they have horrible technological issues. This year was worse than most. I felt so bad for the kids running for 8th grade officers; their videos were first and so the teachers had to work out all the computer glitches on their videos. It took an hour longer than anticipated, and by the time they were finished I think the kids were just sick of the whole thing. Then they still had the SBO & 9th grade electorates to go. Tay decided to run for 9th grade officer because 2 of her best friends were running for SBO, and she didn't want to have any bad feelings between them from competing against each other. It was a good decision because she could support both of them, as they could her. Tay's speech was great. She tied in her "Update Your Status" slogan, and she even sang/played guitar. She really stood out with her originality. Her video was hilarious. I'll try to post her video and the speech on the blog later. After the assembly, they were supposed to go back to class and vote but the ballots got all messed up so they had to wait until Monday to vote. It was a looooong weekend. Again, I felt bad for the kids. They have spent so much time and energy in this process, only to have mistakes make the results agonizingly longer. But it all turned out well in the end, as Tay found out at the end of the school day on Monday that she had won. Her two friends also won, so they'll have a blast next year in Student Gov. Tay is really excited to plan great activities next year, and get the students more involved. We are so proud of her for running a great campaign, and are really, really glad it's over and done with!!

Our candidate, showing off her shrine on Grandma's fridge.

Proud Grandma and Grandpa came over for a post-election celebration. Tay had so much support from her family and friends.

Whatever Happened to Civil Discourse?

2011-04-10T20:37:00.000-07:00

I know I should be updating our adventures for the last few weeks instead of going on a rant, but this is my blog and I just need to get some feelings out. So please don't be offended- in fact, feel free to bypass the rest of this and catch me next time when I'm in a better mood.

If you're still reading, I warned you.....

So I have never been the type of person who is comfortable talking/debating politics with friends, associates, people at church,......you get my drift I'm sure. Part of the reason is based on my political beliefs, and the other is that I've seen too many people get into unnecessary and heated arguments on what boils down to a matter or opinion. So I'll just come out of the closet and say I'm a democrat, and have been since I entered my first poly sci class in high school. Now, for clarification, I consider myself a DEMOCRAT, not a LIBERAL. They are two very different things, and too often the party is defined by that one adjective. I'm not going to go into all the reasons why I am a democrat, but please know that I have examined both parties and their platforms, I am well educated, and feel that the democratic party aligns best with my opinions and politics. It's such a weird dichotomy being a democrat in a mostly republican state. When I have, on rare occasions over the years, expressed my view points on issues, I have been berated and ridiculed, and my dedication to and belief in my church has been questioned and doubted (not by any church leaders, but by mean spirited associates). I had to let go of a long friendship because the friend kept badgering me and berating me, trying to set me up for contentious debates. I decided that I don't need that kind of spirit in my life. It drives me nuts when fellow members go on the attack because our church is politically neutral; the leaders stay out of politics unless an issue directly affects the church. I love the stand our leaders have taken. It tells us that the Lord trusts us to make personal, prayerful and guided decisions on who we want to lead us. They do not endorse one party over the other, but far too often the members do. They draw a line of good vs. evil, and insist that one must "right" and "true". For these reasons, I never discuss my beliefs publicly. I just go to the voting booth and let the punch card do the talking. But the more I think about it, the more ridiculous I think these judgments are. If I lived on the west or east coasts, I would be considered too moderate or "not democrat enough". See the stupidity of it all? So I've decided that I'm done with labels. I am nothing. I am Mindi. I believe the government is there to serve and aid the people. I will vote for those who hold the same values. When my church comes out and asks me to support a measure, I will because I believe our church leaders are Apostles of the Lord and are guided by Him. I will respect the President whether he be republican, democrat, independent, white, black, male, female, because that's what having the office of President of the United States deserves, respect. How can he succeed without our support and prayers? It doesn't mean we have to agree with him all the time, but we have to let the world know that the office of president is important, valued, and one we trust in. Teasing in good fun is always okay, but mean spirited and cruel attacks are never appropriate.

Anyway, that's my opinion. I've been holding it in for a while. Hopefully you all still love me after this, but I suspect that if you know me well in "real life" this comes as no surprise and you already decided long ago to stick by me in spite of my crazy ideas :)

Oh, and as clarification, I did not become a democrat because I attended that bastion of free thinking known as the U. As already stated, I knew which way I leaned before I could even vote. But I did find at the U a lot more openness and willingness to accept differing and even contrary opinions than I ever had before. That just one of 1,000,000 reasons I love my Utes :)

Deep Thought By Loma.......

2011-03-24T12:06:00.001-07:00

If mom is thE barometer of the house, then the kids are the mercury!

(This may or may not have come to me as I was reflecting on the fact that 66% of my children are grounded right now from their favorite things, and the 34% that aren't are too young to be rehabilitated by the return of valuable property).

Side question: Does anyone else find themselves watching PBS daytime programming even when there isn't a child around? What kind of mind control do these little people use on us??

Hey Family- Here's Another Oldie But Goodie.....

2011-03-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

Birthday gone wild(er)

2011-03-17T10:08:00.000-07:00

Our Families Special Birthday Song (Don't be jealous if you can't sound this good. It takes years of practice)

2011-03-17T10:07:00.000-07:00

So What You're Saying Is That Not Everyone Celebrates Birthdays Like This???

2011-03-17T09:13:00.000-07:00

It started out with good intentions. A celebration for my mom's 60th birthday. Just the family, some food, maybe a little teasing and humor. All in good taste of course.

Obviously it spiraled out of control quickly. I blame it on my dad. He's the one who suggested we hold a mockeral (mock=funeral. Yeah, feel free to make it a new "thing") for our aging mother so she could hear the eulogies we'd give someday at the real deal.

He really wanted to fashion a coffin of sorts, and hold the wake at the cemetery where they have already purchased their plots (uhm, I know it's good planning but can I just say EWWWW! If I wanted I could visit my parent's graves every year on Memorial Day and then have a barbecue with them an hour later). That plan was scrapped at the last minute because she might just think we were taking it a teeny-tiny bit too far. Hence, the mockeral took place in the parlor, which is kind of appropriate as it's a room reserved only for important visiting guests and dignitaries, like the Home Teachers.

Mom posed as if comfortably resting in her casket, her eyes closed and waiting to hear all the wonderful things her family has to say about her on her demise.

Little did she know......

For our "eulogies" we were given 2 guidelines:

1) You had to say the thing you'd miss/remember about her most

2) You had to provide a prop that represented that memory to leave with her in the "coffin"

I was first giving my remembrance. I left her a can of Diet Coke to thank her for setting me on the path of addiction, as well as to make sure she had a "fix" while she waited to be resurrected, and a diaper because for as long as I can remember my mom hasn't been able to cough/run/jump/walk/laugh/breath without wetting her pants. Yes, I take after her. Thank you mom for all you've given me.

For James' gift he left a threadbare towel, because my mom is notorious for not throwing anything (and I do seriously mean anything) away until it falls apart stitch by stitch. He also gave her an eyebrow pencil so she could make sure her brows were on when she went to the next world (I'm not sure if I've shared this story before, but it involves James and mom sitting together in a booth at Iceberg and James deciding to see if he could wipe off mom's eyebrows with his finger. As he found out to her chagrin, yes he could. The story now lives in infamy in family folklore)

My sister Amanda gave her a pair of giant granny undies to thank her for teaching her to be pure and modest

Then she gave her a G-string to thank her for also teaching her to be a little bit naughty.

(Back story: for the last 10 years my mom has given my sister a thong for every Christmas and Easter. They are usually pretty scanty and fugly. It's hilarious. And in case you are wondering, no she doesn't really wear them.)

My brother Chris, the newly returned RM, gave mom a pillow so that she could always remember that he refused to sleep in his own bed, thus sharing hers, for the first 12 years of his life. I'm not sure if he's overcome that yet.- I'll get back to you.

Noah's gift was a remote, because Grandma is always telling him to turn the volume down. I don't have a picture of Tay's gift, and she'd kill me if I disclosed what it was, but let's just say that she did something to my dad in Grandma's honor.

Here's the final picture of all her offerings. They include a plate of unfinished dinner from my niece Shelby (nothing drives my mom more nuts than wasted food), a jacket from my niece Sydnee (because Grandma always gets after her for not wearing one), a fart machine from my sis-in-law Rebekah, a copy of "Silence of the Lambs" from my brother Ben (goes back to a month-long grounding incident in high school), and a double ended key from my dad- one end is the key to his brain, and the other the key to his heart. She was such a good sport, and I'm pretty sure she was glad she had a diaper on because she was laughing so hard something definitely sneaked out :)

After the mockeral, Chris decided to try on the thong.

Pretty hot huh? He's single ladies.

Somehow after having cake and ice cream, Tay decided that Grandpa's lack of eyebrows needed to be remedied (are you seeing a trend here? It's not by chance that my parents are so perfectly matched for each other? Please, please let me keep my eyebrows though).

For some reason, Tay decided that if Grandpa really still had brows they'd be red, so out came the red lip liner.

He was a good sport when she said, "Grandpa, if you have eyebrows again that has to mean that you have hair again" Since we all remembered his black fro from the 70's, she decided to recreate it.

From there it just got out of control

Ben came to help with the beautification

Can you tell just how much this man loves his grand kids? What else would convince him to let this happen???

Can I just say that my family ROCKS? They are so much fun- we laugh so much it hurts (and more than one of us pees). But we are also fiercely protective of each other, and we'd go to the ends of the earth to help each other. I am so blessed to be apart of this crazy clan!

Photo Vomit.....

2011-03-17T08:16:00.000-07:00

I thought you might enjoy (okay, tolerate) these random photos I just downloaded from my itouch. There is no rhyme or reason- most I can't even remember taking. Oh well, posterity won't care how they got here anyway, just that they can mock us for what we wore.

I'm getting old.

Zach and Dad hit the Jazz Game:

Dad was impressed the Zach lasted the first half sitting upright. After that, it was "whatever keeps him happy".

Cute one of Dad. I'm not sure what Zach was going for.

Cheese!!!!!

Best Friends :)

Zach and his other BFF, "his" Oakey Dokey

Tay at her fall guitar concert.

The next cast of Teen Mom

(notice how dejected my niece Sydnee looks? She really feels the weight of her choice)

Hmmm, we need to work on facial expressions and posing.

That's my cutie boy...

Smexy boy in a smexy outfit.

When he saw this picture, Zach said "Mom look at my muscles!"

Football shirt+plaid shorts+your sister's boots=AWESOME!!!!

House Guest....

2011-03-15T22:39:00.000-07:00

RM brother is staying at my house allllllll weeeeeek!!!

Can you tell I'm a teensy, weensy bit excited ;)

I love my little brother Chris. I missed him so much when he was away for 2 years in Australia. It was like a huge piece was missing from our lives. Now he's back, and he's found a great job and is starting college in May. He's at my house this week because he's going through training for his new job, and the training center just happens to be up my way. It has been so wonderful having him in our home. He brings so much fun and laughter. The kids adore their uncle, and love every minute they get playing with him. I really don't want him to go back home at the end of the week :(

I think we need to get our basement finished so my siblings have more reasons to come and stay with us. I'll have to hurry though, because my sister is dating a new guy and they are getting pretty serious. He's a great man and appears to adore and worship her (like all women deserve to be!). I'll keep you posted as things progress!

On A Positive Note.....

2011-03-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today we had a great combined YM/YW lesson on the dangers- both physically and spiritually- of the Internet and more specifically social media. It is a topic that has weighed heavily on my mind over the last few months, but especially in the last week as we have been dealing with Tay's harassment at school. The Internet is such a powerful tool, for good and bad, and it's so important that children know how to use is correctly and wisely. We had a police detective from our ward speak to the youth about the criminal dangers, and he spoke a lot to the fact that you never really know who you are connecting with when you open yourself up to "friends" on places like Facebook. He showed a picture of a popular male singer, and explained that just this week they caught a 78 year old man was posing as the pop star and messaging teenage girls on FB. He also talked about how kids think that when they post or text inappropriate content or pictures they can just erase it and it's gone. He said that in 24 hours he could pull everything they'd ever done or sent off their phones or computers, and that there was no way to "erase" once you send something out. I think the kids were very shocked, and even scared. He asked them if they would feel comfortable having him go through their phones and computers today. If not, they need to make drastic changes to what they are doing and sharing.

Next James spoke to them about the spiritual dangers of technology. They discussed very briefly the problem of pornography as it is covered a lot. He asked them about the time they spent on the internet, and how it changed the dynamics of their family when they were on. Did they eat dinner together without texting interruptions? What activities have they stopped doing becuase they are on FB all the time? Social media can become a huge time sucker and time waster if not regulated and kept under control. He also talked to them about the importance of remembering that what they say and do on FB represents who they are. For instance, when you "like" something on FB what you are saying is "I approve of this" or "I like this". Should we really be "liking" a song with inappropriate lyrics, or a friend's comment that is off color, or a group/activity that conflicts with our beliefs? I thought this was a most poignant point. So often we forget that what we say and do on the Internet allows the world to interpret and make assumptions about who we are. I closed by reminding the kids that even if they aren't texting right now or aren't on FB, they will be someday and the world revolves more and more around social media outlets. So even if it doesn't apply today, it will someday and they need to be prepared. I challenged them to spend a "negative free" week on the Internet and their phones- that every day this week they would only send out positive messages, texts and comments. If they aren't texting or FBing, they can be positive in the interactions with their friends, avoiding gossip and contention.

All in all, I think it went really well. The kids were very reverent but offered up lots of comments. When youth do that you know something is sticking :) I'd love it if the adult groups did their own lesson or meeting on the subject, but geared to how parents can teach their children to use technology in a responsible way. The biggest thing they can do is be aware. Be aware of what their kids are texting and posting. Be aware of what their peers are saying, especially to them. Know their passwords and control their access to the internet. It is so, so important and, in my opinion, the greatest challenge to the youth of today is the free and unsolicited access to everything the world has to offered at the touch of a button. Where they are stronger, more valiant and more prepares, Satan only has to become craftier and more subtle in his attempts to drag them down. He's using the same tools that the Church uses to spread the message of the Gospel and love, but to drag us down and tempt us into sinful acts and behaviors.

We're going to try to tie this lesson into our upcoming Youth Conference this summer. One of the girls suggested taping videos to submit to the Mormon Messages channel on YouTube. Hopefully we can find some fun ways to incorporate the lesson into our weekly activities as well.

All That Church is Paying Off...

2011-03-11T11:16:00.000-08:00

Last night the kids were fighting in the truck (as usual) on our way to Tay's basketball game, and apparently I wasn't the only one who was fed up with the constant bickering. From the back seat we heard Zach yell,

"Choose the Right everyone! Choose the Right!"

Good thing I was driving or I might have passed out from shock.

This kid might just turn out alright :)

How We Roll......

2011-03-09T10:52:00.000-08:00

Rather than write about just how much our family loves football, I thought I'd post our game pictures from the '10 season. We've had University of Utah season tickets for 10 years now, and it's so much fun sitting my my brother and his kids, my dad, and my sisters. We've also taken up tailgating which is a blast! We can't wait for the '11 season- we're Pac 12 now baby!!

This last fall was also Noah's first playing football. It was a huge time commitment, but totally worth it. Noah learned so much and did so well on the offense and defense lines. I was surprised to see how tall he is compared to the other boys his age. He loved hanging out with all his pals on the team, and (as an added bonus for all the ladies) he got pretty buff- unlike his normal stick thin physique :)

Noah at the Halloween Carnival

Not a lot of love for that "other" Utah team :)

Tay and Noah

My Favorite picture of all time!

Tay sitting in the endzone after a win!

Tay and her cousin/BFF Sydnee

Storming the field after the BYU win!

Tay and James at the Utah/BYU game

Noah's '10 Syracuse Storm poster

Post game exhaustion

Cheering on his cousin Jackson's team

Noah and his awesome grandpa (who was a U of U football player! See, it's in the genes!!)

Noah and his wonderful grandma (isn't my momma lovely?)

My studly guy

Loma, Tay and Noah

Loma and James at the away game in Wyoming

With the other U fans at the Wyoming game

Loma with Zach at a rare game he attended (he's not quite ready for 3 hours of football)

Braille competition encourages literacy - ksl.com

2011-03-08T19:36:00.000-08:00

Braille competition encourages literacy - ksl.com

Check out Noah at about 2:04 in the video. He's the super cute, super cool boy in the white hoodie with the haircut formerly known as the Beiber.

We are so proud of this boy!

Here's our pictures from the day:

More Evidence.....

2011-03-08T08:04:00.000-08:00

Noah's apology note for making me so mad yesterday that I wanted to run away from home.

Urban Dictionary: douche hole
A person who is equal parts douchebag and asshole. Usually reserved for the males species but not always.

*Just so you're aware, and so I don't get Child Welfare Services calling, I did not call Noah a "dush hole". I thought it was a creation of his own until I googled it.

To be fair, Zach owed me a longer and more profusely apologetic letter, but he wasn't feeling inspired or humbled enough yet. Instead, he decided to stick the marker in his bum and then use it to draw all over the carpet.

Update: Zach just decided to start round 2 of the argument from yesterday that got him and his brother in the hot seat. It involves one 80's classic movie that has a surprising amount of swearing for a PG rating (okay, it's Short Circuit), and my banning of said movie from the house. The boys took up the "relative" righteousness of their cause for a solid hour after school (ie. they've hear much worse swear words walking down the hall of school, and at grandma's house) but I would not relent. Zach tried one last plea this morning. With a straight face, he declared "mom, I can watch it. I won't say little b#$%&". I didn't have to say a word to prove my point. Game over.

Novice.

Saving Graces.....

2011-03-07T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to stop trying to make myself any better right now, because judging by what Zach said to me on my way home from Walmart (or Walcrap, which is what it should be named. I swear, there is something in the air at that store that turns children into monsters and sucks all the patience out of parents)it doesn't get any better than this. I had just told him that there was NO FREAKING WAY I was going back to Walcrap tomorrow to get him the gummy bears that he had screamed for the entire way through the store. And by scream, what I really mean is that I had to check the floor multiple times because I was sure he had to have popped out a lung from the force.

No, not embarrassing at all. I love have octogenarians look at me with judging eyes. You could see the "my child was never allowed to act like that in public" written all over their pupils. Well, in "your" day it was acceptable to beat your child with a whip for talking out of turn, so excuse me if I'm not impressed.

So back to the car ride home.... Zach was crying (again), I was trying to tune him out (unsuccessfully) and we were a miserable pair in general. Until I hear a quiet realization from the back seat. "I'm going to jail. Momma is gonna put me in jail".

Now, I can't take credit for threatening him with imprisonment; I have no clue where he got that (for real- I only wish I was that clever). Maybe he was remembering Gitmo???? But whatever inspired the threat, it made him stop crying. Before I had to sell him to gypsies.

So here's the lesson I learned. If your child is being heinous, just sit back and let the fear take over and he'll discipline himself. He'll stop fighting, you'll get guilt free resolution (aka. no whip necessary). Win, win. At least until next time.

I Spit on You Saturday...

2011-03-05T12:22:00.001-08:00

Cleaning today.

BOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need a maid.

Where's Loma??? Only With the Coolest Kids Around!

2011-03-04T11:20:00.000-08:00

Today is a day James and I look forward to all year long. It's the annual Utah Braille Challenge!!!!!

We love attending this event with Noah. It is his third year competing, and he's better prepared than ever before. Since the beginning of the school year, Noah has met with his visual impairment education specialist four days a week for an hour a time (in the past he only met with them twice a week). He has improved so much. He's with the older division this year, and most of the kids in his group are already profoundly visually impaired and use braille 24/7. I'm glad Noah's disease is progressive, and he will not loose his sight all at once. But it's hard to stress how important this training and education is when he can still see a lot of things (well, except at night. His night blindness has progressed significantly over the last year).

I always get teary during the first hour of the event. You see the same kids year after year, but you can also tell which ones are new to Braille or have recently been diagnosed with a VI. They have a lost, confused and scared look that I remember from our own experience all too well. But it doesn't take long to realize just how happy and content and well-adjusted these children are. They have their own community that is very tight knit and supportive. The parents are very open minded and will share their experiences and give advice openly. I love that every year I can talk to a wonderful mom whose daughter is from our area and 3 grade levels ahead of Noah. She can warn us about the trials ahead, give pointers on the best teachers, and talk about the shared frustration of only having 3 specialty pediatric opthamologists in the state (but the upside is that because there are only 3 we all see the same ones and can compare diagnosis, treatments and medications).

The best part of the experiences has to be the smile on Noah's face throughout the day, and the feeling of complete acceptance he gets from being with kids just like him. The other 364 days a year he is "that kid in 4th grade who is going blind" to the other elementary students. Here, he is just one of many. I'm not inferring that the children at school are unkind; on the contrary, they are wonderful and Noah has so many friends. For the most part they forget easily that he is VI. But he never forgets, and always feels like his disease is something that makes him different.

I need to give a special shout out to the amazing educators here. Much is said about the quality of American education. Many fingers are pointed, and blame is placed on why we are not pumping out as many engineers and doctors and nobel laureates as other countries. But education is much more than teaching a child facts and numbers. It's more than a standardized test can quantify. It's the love you see in these teachers' faces as they gently guide them from one room to another, how they sweetly grasp a child's hand and say "Vicky, it's Karla. I am so so glad to see you here!". It;s the kind hearted teasing and laugher they share back and forth with their coworkers and students. I personally consider Noah's teacher an angel. Karla has been one of the greatest blessings in Noah's life. She found him and us right after he was diagnosed and we were so woefully uneducated on how to help him. She has fought for him and is such an advocate for the visually impaired. She is working with a researcher at the University of Utah to revamp they way they teach brailee to VI students so that the children learn to read through braille, not reading in addition to braille. Noah is one of their research subjects, and I know they are going to revolutionize the field. Noah has improved 300% over the last year, and those numbers speak volumes.

A young man who just lost his vision to cancer and is wheelchair bound just sang a song with his teacher about killing cancer because it's a nasty peanut butter-egg-cheese sandwich. Hearbreaking. What a mission of love and errand of angels.

Where to Begin....

2011-03-03T15:39:00.001-08:00

Before I start this, I better make it clear that I have Taylor's permission to share this story. Since it didn't happen to me, and it hurt her quite a bit, I was hesitant to share it but we both agree that it's important to let parents and teens know that this kind of thing happens far too often. So here we go.....

Not long after the kinds returned from Christmas break came the end of 2nd semester. With the change to a new semester meant new classes and an upheaval of Taylor's old schedule. In particular, she moved to a new history class but with the same teacher. The teacher assigned the students to 4 person tables. Tay was placed with a shy girl and 2 very outgoing boys that she had never known before. Within days the boys were tormenting her throughout the entire class period. The swore incessantly. Tay tried to kindly ask them to stop, even bribed them with candy, and while it worked for a few days they refused to follow the class and school rules about swearing. In fact, when they saw how much it bugged her they elevated the teasing. They started mocking her for her religious beliefs, teasing her about being a good girl. They made it their goal to torment her every single day.

A few days ago they decided to up the ante even more and began sexually harassing Taylor. While she was in the bathroom they stole her folder and drew a pornographic picture on the cover with a disgusting word written next to it. She erased it but was so embarrassed she decided not to tell anyone. Yesterday I was researching some information on the problems with digital communications and teenagers for our Young Womens activity (irony, right??) when I started getting texts from Tay asking to come home. She was hesitant to tell me why she wanted to leave, but finally she said that there had been an episode in history that left her crying in class. She told me that her 2 table mates had been working on her nonstop in class, being very vulgar and saying horrible things about the Savior, all to get a reaction out of her. Finally, she broke. The other kids that witnessed the scene told they boys they needed to stop, but they wouldn't. Finally the teacher, who is a student teacher, came over and inquired as to what was going on. The boys lied and said they weren't doing anything. The teacher pulled Tay aside after class, but said that he couldn't do anything since he hadn't witnessed it and that if it happened again she should tell him.

You can probably imagine my reaction. I was furious- I could actually feel the fire burning through me. I was mad at these boys for tormenting Tay, and mad at the teacher for allowing it to go on so long and not being stronger with them. So I got Zach ready, threw on some "I mean business" clothes, and headed over to the school intent on taking this up with the administration. At the school, I was taken back to the Assistant Principal's office where I told him that my daughter was asking to leave school because of an incident that happened in her history class that day, but that there was a history of persecution and bullying. He took down the boys' names and went and got Tay out of class. He told us that we'd be surprised how many times he has to deal with religious taunting, and that he felt these were good boys who just didn't have social skills but would feel so much remorse when he talked to them the next day and called their parents. He would instruct them to not talk to Tay until she felt comfortable initiating conversation, and that he's check in with her weekly to see how things were going. I thought this was a reasonable first course of action, but requested that she moved in that class immediately, and he sent us home with an incident report to fill out with the instruct to be very detailed in describing the history and specific incident.

Through the afternoon as I talked to Tay more and more, I discovered that the majority of the harassment was sexual in nature. I will not post the things they said to her, but just know they were disgusting, filthy and raunchy. I can't believe she had to listen to that every day. She was so afraid and embarrassed to tell us. I could not understand that- she wasn;t the one saying those things. But I think she feared their retribution if she told anyone, so she kept silent about the worse things. Swearing seems mild in comparison to what they were saying. Her father helped her fill out the incident report and include everything she remembered happening over the course of the 6 weeks she had been in the class. This morning as soon as she got to school, Tay took the report to the Vice Principal. He read over it, and immediately Tay notice his demeanor change for the previous day. Gone was the "let's teach them social skills" mentality- he quizzed her about the "private part" references and asked if she still had the picture they drew. She didn't of course, but he asked that if she ever saw anything like that again to bring it right to him.

Throughout the day Tay heard rumors that the boys had been suspended. Apparently they were going around to all of their teachers letting them know that they would not be in class tomorrow so they needed their assignments. But what bothered her is that they were laughing at it like it was some kind of big joke. I have to imageine their parents were called in, or at a minimum they had a conference call with them. How could they possibly be laughing in the face of suspension and a mark on their records? All I can guess is that their parents are treating it like a joke too. Were that my child they would be grounded for a month with every digital and electronic device taken away on top of the suspension. Do they really think this is funny situation? Making my daughter feel unsafe in school, feel dirty and unclean, and on top of that making her feel like she has to defend her religious beliefs- in a US HISTORY class of all places!!! Could that be more ironic?

The good news is that Tay's friends have been really good to her. I was so worried she'd face retribution from her peers today. With the exception of one stupid boy, no one said anything negative to her. On the contrary, a friend sent her a very sweet and supportive note in the morning that gave her a lot of confidence. I know Tay will be alright. She is so strong, and I am so proud of her for defending her beliefs. It takes an unbelievably faithful person to stand up to their peers. Sadly, these boys probably won't ever understand just how damaging and hurtful their stupid, juvenile behavior was. I'm blessed to have a daughter who is strong enough to take it. But what if she wasn't? What if she was a young girl who did not have a lot of self-confidence, who felt out of place in the large school and all alone? How would that young woman fare in the same situation? I shudder to imagine. Our girls should not have to put up with these sexist, degrading attacks, and the solution should definitely never include the excuse, "well, you know how teenage boys are". Bull crap.

Holy Mother Lode......

2011-03-02T22:44:00.000-08:00

I have a whopper of a story I need to share, but it's going to take me a while to get it all down. This post is basically to remind me to keep at it even though I know I'll forget at least 10 times to finish it.

Is it done yet???

Futility

2011-02-28T08:26:00.000-08:00

Zach keeps charging his ipod in 3 minute increments. I'm not kidding- he plugs it in, stares at for three minutes, then unplugs it and starts watching the same 30 minute episode of A Team that he's been trying to finish for the last hour. Oh, and he does this while completely encased in a blanket.

I'd try to convince him to charge it longer so it lasts longer, but there is just no changing this kid's mind when he decides he wants to do something.

Oh well, at least his 30 minute episode will turn into 3 hours of peace for me ;)

Stupid Blogger Comments :(

2011-02-28T07:12:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to reply to comments, but the stupid Blogger comment form is wacky of late. It types everything in a .2 font, which you'd need Superman eyes to read. So, in response to the comments made on the last post:

@Heather- I definitely believe in taking advantage of the one on one time when you get it! Enjoy this time with your daughter- it goes by so, so fast. Once they are in school all day it's never the same. The grow and mature and become more independent, but you'll find yourself looking back wistfully to the days where she wants to you to everything with and for her.

@Simmonsfamily: Thank you so much!! I'm glad to know my insanity and sleeplessness induced ramblings are somewhat entertaining :) I had to do some digging to find the post you were talking about, but I think it is the one titles "Can You Tell What Kind of Day I'm Having" (which, incidentally, is a title I could use every single day with different content about what chaos has erupted in my house).

Now I'm off to shout obscenities at Blogger. It's therapeutic works because they never shout back. Try it- you'll thank me.

PS- After typing this I noticed that I spelled Blogger "Blooger" over and over. It seems I fused bloody+booger to make "blooger". Does anyone remember that "scary" story we'd tell each other in elementary school abut the bloody booger monster? No one? Huh, seems you all missed out on a great literary classic.

The Princess Is Home....

2011-02-24T12:52:00.000-08:00

Tay had to go to the doctor today, so of course it made no sense to send her to school when I'd just be checking her out 2 hours later, and then it made no sense to get checked in after the appointment and lunch for the last hour and a half of the day :) I am such a pushover(FYI- she just told me that if I were really a pushover we'd be at Kohls right now. I guess I do have boundaries). The truth is, I have no qualms about checking her out or keeping her home occasionally. She is a self-motivated, straight A student who is involved in a lot of activities. She never asks for help with her homework, and I rarely even hear about her assignments or tests unless she's stressed about one and lets me know she's going to be in her room studying. Could you ask for an easier kid? Holy cow, I hope her brothers watch and learn. But from the hour of math I do nightly and the book report we'll spend this entire evening on, I'm pretty sure Noah will need a little more motivation. Zach will probably just go right to extortion and bartering. He's waaaaay too smart (aka. manipulative and crafty) for his own good.

I'm An Old Lady.

2011-02-23T17:04:00.001-08:00

One of my all time favorite movie lines comes from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, when the dad tells his "spinster" daughter, "You need to get married- you are looking old". Today when I looked in the mirror the last half of that line immediately came to mind. From the gray strands in my hair and the fine lines popping up on my face, to the ever slightly sagging skin on my neck, I look old. Fortunately I'm already married and it would be way too expensive for him to divorce me, so I don't have to worry about catching a guy with my aging looks. But it is still depressing. I now understand why Joan Rivers looks the way she does. Plastic surgery doesn't seem like such a bad thing in the wake of realizing that your shelf life is half way over.

Epic Fail.....

2011-02-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

You'd think we were rookies at this whole parenting thing.

Ever since James gifted me a new itouch 4 last week, Zach has decided that it is perfectly reasonable to expect that a four year old needs (not wants) one. In lieu of purchasing him one, he kindly offered to trade his ipod (which happens to be MY ipod that I finally just gave to him a few weeks ago because he whined constantly about not having one) for my itouch. He was convinced it was a good trade, and cried for an hour straight when I refused.

Now, I have known for a very long time that he his technological intelligence is far superior to mine. He picks up in 5 minutes what takes me an hour to comprehend. But that in no way entitles him to every toy I have, no matter how much I misuse or under-utilize it. And by toys, I mean all 3: my ipod (now HIS ipod), my laptop, and my itouch (Just a note- no one wants my phone. I couldn't even give it away that's how outdated it is. It represents why I finally deserved to get the new techy toy in the family).

That brings us to tonight. We were working with Zach on his letters and the conversation rolled back somehow to his wanting my itouch. So James offered up a compromise to him: we'd get him an itouch when he could learn all his letters and read. Brilliant right? Not so much. For while Zach jumped up and ran to the kitchen to work on the letter magnets on the fridge, he returned 60 seconds later declaring that he'd learned them and all dad now needed to take him to the store. He didn't get the whole "learning and memorizing" concept. He was also befuddled by the fact that we'd need actual proof of said learning, ie. that he could read an entire sentence without help. We were thinking an 18 month turnover- he was thinking 5 minutes. Our bad, obviously. A rookie mistake, bartering with a child. But we're not rookies. This is child number 3. It all just points back to the fact that it is absolutely indisputable that we are not supposed to have any more children.

Shizz Balls.....

2011-02-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

EPIC sinus infection going on here. Apparently my sinuses are in love with my ear canals, cause that's where all the pressure goes to.

Oh, and this morning when I got up to do lessons I was stumbling around- due to said ear pressure and dizziness- and I ran into the armoire in my closet. In a failed attempt to protect myself I sent my arm flying out to catch me. Instead I caught the corner of the door latch and now I can't lift my elbow/arm.

Awesome.

The Face of Crazy

2011-02-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

The last few days as I have manically been painting I have thought to myself many times over, "I really am crazy". I'm pretty sure my family agrees. But in truth I'm okay with being crazy. I know I have OCD about certain things, mostly cleaning and my home looking a certain way. But I do not judge others by my standards. I can walk in a home and if there is a mess out or a few toys laying around it doesn't even faze me. But if those same things were out in MY house it would drive me batty. It doesn't make sense but it also doesn't bug me enough that I'm going to change.

It was ironic that in the midst of this introspection I was given ample evidence of what crazy really is through the wonder of Facebook. I have a FB "friend"- I call her that lightly because I have almost no contact whatsoever with her but we all know that FB make you "friends" with the world now- that is quite literally nuts. I've had to block her updates because she is so offensive and so unreasonable. She spews hatred with every breath, and yet has never, ever been wrong a moment in her life. I would "defriend" her but I haven't figured out a way to do so covertly (FB need to work on that). My daughter and I have named her "The Face of Crazy" thus omitting the need to say her name- and we all know how much I love nicknames. But an unexpected benefit has come from this naming: the moniker has become a symbol of sorts for us. When we are out and see something shocking or bizarre happen we say "wow, that could have been the Face of Crazy", or "hey, the Face of Crazy is out again". It's a little wordy to ever become a popular catchphrase, but it works for us. And just so you know, I may not be the originator but the Face of Crazy is often times me :)

Did You Know I Have Issues???

2011-02-16T16:16:00.000-08:00

This is getting ridiculous.

I cannot stop painting. It all started with my mistinted purple office. Every time I walked by this room that I NEVER use I'd get nervous and my eyes would start twitching. The color literally drove me nuts. So I've been trying to self-medicate by doing realization exercises (ie....You can live with bad color Loma. It's not important. There are wars all over the world and starving children.....) but they were to no avail. Last week I grabbed my chance to fix the "ode to Barney the dinosaur" color. I was painting our master bedroom as a surprise to my hunny for Valentines, and I thought, hey I have this can of extra paint (I may or may not have intentionally purchased an extra can) that will just sit on the shelf in the garage waiting to go bad. I should definitely, for economy sake, paint the office.

So I did.

It looks lovely. My heart is almost happy. Almost you ask? Well, once I finished the office I happened to look down the hall into my daughter's bathroom and I noticed that the walls were woefully the same color they had been since we had moved in. They were calling to me "paint me, make me pretty". So I figured while I have the mess out I ought to just keep going. Then the kitchen walls, which were regretfully a shade too light than what I had been hoping for, fell victim to my roller and brush. What started out as a gift to my patient hubby (who had been waiting for 2 years for me to paint our room, go figure) became a 4 room paint-a-thon.

Don't judge. OCD is a real disease my friends.

What We Heard On The Way Home From School.......

2011-02-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

#1: Both boys hammering the words to Flo Rider's "Low, Low, Low" song. The best adlib? Noah singing "clucky clucky, gonna kick her to the curb" instead of "the whole club is looking at her".

#2: Zach to Taylor after she had tried to take away his ear phone because he was singing way too loudly : "It's not your job to take them off, it's my job to keep them on".

#3: Noah's explanation as to why his teacher drinks caffeine free Diet Pepsi all day "She is getting old and so her vocal chords need special drinks to make them work."

Don't you wish you were here???

What to Get a 4 Year Old For Valentines....

2011-02-14T08:10:00.001-08:00

For Valentine Zach got the greatest gift ever......my ipod.

He has envied his sister and brother's ipods for far too long. Since bequeathing him mine on Sunday he was been watching videos nonstop and listening to Glee tunes. There's nothing funnier than listening to a 4 year old trying to sing along to Journey and Aerosmith. Plus as an added bonus he has a cold and is really congested. Stuffy nose + incoherent singing= entertainments for us both for hours.

Post script:

I have to correct myself. The funniest thing EVER is watching/listening to him dance and sing to Flo Rider's "Low, low, low". He keeps saying "he hit the phone" instead of "he hit the floor" :) And the serious gangsta face he's sporting while doing all this is priceless.

A Few Visits and a Little Valentines Fun....

2011-02-13T21:19:00.000-08:00

First off, did you see Lady Gaga at the Grammys?? Holy heck, she is one strange cookie. I'm all for freedom of expression but when you look like you've infused chicken gizzards into you shoulders you might want to step back and rethink your motivation.

With that said, all in all it was a pretty good Sunday. No tantrums, everyone got to church on time, and I even snuck in an hour long nap! After church 5 of my young women and I drove around to visit all the girls who hadn't been to church and take them their calendars and a cupcake (btw...these cupcakes were so stinking cute! Brenda went way above and beyond on them. I feel really sorry for the girls when they hit my month to make them.). We hit about 11 houses and reached someone at every home. HOORAY!!! It is so cool to see the girls get excited about visiting and really wanting to connect with the young women we don't get to see as often. Love them, love them, LOVE THEM!!!

This evening Noah worked on addressing his class valentines for tomorrow. He has a special "secret admirer" valentine for a cute little blond in his class named Noelle. He is truly his father's son :)

Tay is missing the fun of getting valentines now that she is in junior high. They sell roses for kids to send to each other at her school, but from what she has told me very few do. I think I'll have to surprise her with some flowers after school. It might not be the same as having the boy you like give you some, but I think she'll like them anyway (She was really hinting that flowers from any one would be cool when we were at the grocery store the other day).

I love my 3 little valentines, and my big one as well. On Saturday we decided to go to a movie and lunch because we knew Monday night would be insane. It was really nice to hang out with my cutie. He's been so busy and has been working such long hours over the last few months that we haven't seen each other very much. After our date we headed down to my parent's house for a bbq. I love my parents and siblings and nieces/nephews- I could not ask for a better family. James gets such a kick out of teasing my mom- this weekend it was all about how he purposely wiped off her eyebrows- but he loves her like his own. My sweet niece Shelby made my heart smile :) We were decorating heart shaped sugar cookies and I looked over and Shelby had licked off all the icing and only taken a bite or two of her cookie. Grandpa was not appreciative of that, and really wanted her to finish the cookie, so when he wasn't looking I put more icing on it and told her to enjoy :) She is a girl after my own heart. I LOVE icing but hate whatever is underneath it. It made me so happy so see that trait had passed on to the next generation.

It's late but I have to wait up until James falls asleep so I can put his secret Valentines present in his car so he can find it when he goes to work. I love surprises!!!! Happy Valentines Day everyone. Give the people you love a big hug, and let them know every single day how much they mean to you.

Zachie creates a word....

2011-02-12T17:19:00.000-08:00

There is no "tomorrow" or "tonight" in Zach's vocabulary. Instead, any indeterminate amount of time in the future is "tolater", as in "mom, can I go to bed tolater?" or "can I save my treat for tolater?".

I think he's started a revolution. I'm going to start using it when my other older children bug me about when something is going to happen or occur. For instance, when they ask when dinner is, I can say "tolater". There's no commitment to a certain time, or even day. It's just some time in the future.

Brilliant me thinks.

See you tolater!

Big Night A Comin'

2011-02-11T11:11:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I get to spent 2hours coiffing and primping Taylor for the Valentines Dance at school. She's pretty ticked at me because I won't buy her yet another new outfit for the dance, but I offered to do her hair as penance. I don't get it. How can I survive owning exactly 2 pairs of jeans and yet my daughter looks into her fully stocked closet and exclaims "I have NOTHING to wear" (insert annoying whiney voice here).

I guess her sucess at the dance hinges on whether or not the boys like the brand new shirt with the perfect pink shrug that they won't be able to see or decipher the color of in the dimly flourescent lit school cafeteria.

I hope someday she forgives me :)

Self discovery

2011-02-10T14:47:00.000-08:00

I am a giant douche.

I just said something totally snarky to a 14 year old boy.

All because he was rude to my teenage daughter, like all teenage boys are to girls their own age.

Yes he is a turd, but at least his behavior is age appropriate. Mine, was not.

Bad Loma, bad!

From here on out.....

2011-02-10T12:53:00.000-08:00

Last night at YW our wonderful Mia Mid counselor taught the girls a really meaningful lesson on the importance of writing down our histories. After as I was talking to James, I realized how negligent I have been of late in doing just that. What is this blog but a place to write down the stories and inconsistencies of rearing my three darling but rambunctous in the hope that someday we'll read them together and remember just how much we loved each other?

So I'm going to do better. Too many times I have hesitated to post anything because I have worried about visibility or who was reading it, so I have intentionally left things pretty lighthearted and only surface deep unless I was writing about my own feelings and not the rest of my family. So no more. It may be sad, it may be embarassing at times, but come what may someday we'll want to remember the things that were important to us and the trials we've faced and conquered.

So here I go.......

This is has been an insane start to the new year. James' work is exploding (in a good way), Tay is the manager for her JR. High basketball team and playing on a comp team as well. Noah is thankfully just plugging along, with a good attitude most of the time :) He is attending his third Braille Challenge in a few weeks. Today Karla, his braille teacher and district VI specialist sent home a note that just gushed over how far he has progressed since the beginning of 4th grade. In August he was reading 6 words per minute by touch, and this week he read 18 words. That's a 300% improvement!!! It's hard because he can read braille visually very quickly- much more than 18 words a minute- but he's supposed to be using his fingers rather than his eyes. Karla had to construct a box to go over his fingers because he was cheating so much by looking at the braille! Oh well, I'm grateful he still has enough sight to see it. Braille is so complex- it's an entire language with rules and verbage. But it is so critical for his future education and employment that he learn it. I am so grateful for Karla and all she is doing for him.

The biggest news in our family now is that Zach is FINALLY 100% potty trained!!! It has been such a battle to train this kid. He has been peeing consistently for the last year and a half, but has completely refused to go #2. He had "fecal aversion"- an intense fear of #2ing in the potty. We have had many wars over the issue, and he's spent countless hours sitting on the toilet just turn around and hide under a bed and go the minute I let him get off the pot. As of about December though he's turned the corner and has been awesome at both #1 and #2 since!!!! Hooray for him, and hooray for mom because he can no go to preschool next year:)

That's all for today, except that I have a Zone Bar thief in my house and I have a sneaking suspicion (well, not really sneaking as I just found wrappers under his bed) that his name starts with and N and he's 10 years old. I'm not really a stinker about food- nothing is really off limits in our house EXCEPT for my raspberry Zone bars because they are so stinking hard to find. I've only found them at the Harmons by my parent's house. Boo grocery stores- you need to stock them!!!!

My Loopy Sickies....

2011-01-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

I think I love my kids most when they are sick. There's just something about a vulnerable, fever red face and swollen eyes that just tears at my heart. Plus they don't have the energy or inclination to drive me nuts :)

Tay and Zachie have been trading fevers for the last day or so. In the heat induced confusion, they have spouted off some of the weirdest things to me. For example, last night Tay asked me what I'd do if she had a tail. My answer (besides throwing her in the river at birth of course or having a shaman exorcise the demon spirits out of her) was that I'd sell her to a freak show for $500 and then buy an ipad with the proceeds.

After a long afternoon of lessons I emerged from the dungeon at 5:30 last night to a slightly lucid Zachie yelling at me "Mom, My beaver is gone. My beaver is gone!" Apparently his sister told him that if his fever went down he could go play downstairs with his brother. I didn't explain to Tay why his lisped "beaver" instead of fever was so funny, but my mom and I spent a good ten minutes on the phone laughing our head off while expanding the metaphor :)

And now i'm laying her on my bed with my little sickie while he eats M&M's and watches Toy Story 3. He is forcing his eyes to stay open. I love this boy so so much. He has the most expressive face- I could watch it for hours.

Got to go- he just asked "Momma, will you hold me?"

Only forever beautiful boy.

Working the System

2010-12-16T11:57:00.000-08:00

Anyone know of any jobs that require constant travel to foreign countries??

Disclaimer: I'm in the US so by foreign I do not mean Canada or Mexico. I'm talking at least a 12 hour flight here.

Because I'm not going to lie to you here, I'm having a major fit of unrighteous jealousy this week. The King just got back from New York, and could not say enough about how much he loved the city. Before that he was in DC and spent two days "working" (cough, cough) a convention but mostly touring all the national monuments. Now, while these trips do sound fun, if I were in his place I'd finagle my way into visiting London, Paris, Vienna and Rome. I want to travel to these places so badly I can taste it. Hence my opening quandary. I need to find a job that needs me to travel to wonderful places where I can tour to my hearts delight. That kind of position has to exist somewhere, right???

Get on that for me please.

Oh, And Another Thing......

2010-11-03T21:27:00.000-07:00

Does anyone else think that Facebook has just become a way for teenagers to say all the mean spirited, demeaning and abusive things they want to each other without having to face the repercussions (ie- fist in the face, or visit to the principal's office) of saying it to the other person's face?

Oh, but it's all okay. They put a "ha ha" before and/or after they said "ho, I'm gonna bust your face up".

What lovely little people we are raising. Cyber bullying is super courageous.

(I hope you could feel my eye roll from wherever you are reading this)

Question......

2010-11-03T21:16:00.001-07:00

Does anyone else think that Jonah Hill is an overweight Michael Cera???

I'm just saying........

It's a Big Day, Nay, an EPIC Day For Me......

2010-10-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

What would convince me to finally post something on this dumb blog in over a month?

Only something earth shattering and life changing.

Of course, in pure Loma style it happened this event actually happened 4 days ago but lets pretend that I ran home immediately after to record it for posterity while it was still fresh and new. And because we are already fudging the truth a little bit, don't be too surprised if my narrative is a little to flourished and grandious for the subject matter. Just go with it.

Before I begin, a bit of back story is necessary. In the world of Loma, there are two great rules: #1: why do today what you can put off till tomorrow?, and #2(and the point of this discussion): never, ever say "no" to anyone (except your own children of course and then it changes to never say "yes"). Don't say "no" to a parent when they call wanting to change piano lessons to 4 am, don't say "no" to the gynecologist when she asks if this hurts, and especially-almost critically- don't say "no" in church. With this philosophy in mind I accepted the worst calling of all time- Primary Chorister- and cried on my way to church every week and on my way home for an entire year. But I still did it up until the Sunday before I moved. I have played in hundreds of wards/stake conferences/ road shows/ musicals over the state if Utah and Idaho. Ususally those calls to perform came with 3 days notice and a brief glance at the music 15 minutes before the scheduled act. I am now the world's greatest sight reader (okay I exaggerate but you get the gist- I'm a "fly by the seat of my pants" expert).

I have never turned down an opportunity to "share my talents" without an absolutely concrete excuse such as debilitating illness or death (I've only used one of those cause I ahve to save the other. It's a one-time shot you know). But this past week I finally did whst I've been telling myself to do for 2 years: I said "NO!"

(I'll give you a moment to clap and cheer......)

......And we're back.

It hurt a lot to say it out loud. It hurt even more because I was saying no to a darling woman who has such a vivacity and passion for her calling, and truly loves the way music touches a congregation. About a month ago she approached my about having our Young Women sing a number in the Christmas concert and I readily agreed (and was glad to people, I'm not a total shrew), but as she gave me the music I happened to spy some of the other songs for the program. As soon as I saw "flute part" written on the top of several songs, I knew she'd be asking before too long.

Here's the thing. I have played the piano every day of my life, and have for 29 years, but more than that I understand the piano. It is my most comfortable and oldest friend. Every day I spend hours trying to explain to children and teenagers just how wonderful it is; how it will make them a more intelligent, cultured and well-rounded person, how it makes them more in tune with their emotions and is a healthy and expressive outlet for all their feelings, how it will bring them closer to the Spirit and is evidence of Heavenly Father's beauty and majesty. I have never, ever felt more closer to the Divine than when I have been playing the glorious chorales of Handle's Messiah, or the simple hymns or worship.

Although I have played the flute for over 20 years as well, I have never felt the attachment to it that I've felt with the piano. Over the years, my flute has spent most of it's time in a drawer, only to be pulled out when one of the last minute calls to perform is extended. My fingers still work, but my embouchure, timbre and tone have suffered from lack of exercise. Most people don't notice. Most are so kind and thoughtful and appreciative for a break from mid-meeting congregational hymns that you could play every other note wrong and they'd still tell you it was the best thing they've ever heard.

Aren't people wonderful? Seriously, there are angels among us.

But then there are the few, the "music snobs" as I like to call them, that feel the need to come up afterward and point out every single missed note, where you were out of tune, and best of all (and most appreciated) how you could be better in the future. I've handled this "constructive criticism" with as much grace as an opinionated, prideful gal such as myself can possibly muster for years, but in the last year I had 2 experiences that nailed the coffin on my flute performing days. I won't go into them, but needless to say they ended in tears and my almost going Puerto Rican all over the offending parties (and by going PR I mean your conscious mind goes completely away and is replaced by a white hot fire monster with a Latin accent that says things that the conscious mind would never have the, er..balls, to say out loud). Thankfully I was rational and didn't let the "natural man" take over, but I decided from that point on I would not play flute in a church setting anymore. My fragile ego cannot take it.

(sorry, I had to stop for a minute because that last line made me laugh out loud. I warned you that I would exaggerate).

My stance has not been tested until this last Sunday, and I'm proud to say I did it. I said "No"> I wasn't rude, but I also didn't back down or give made-up excuses. I simply said I wasn't comfortable playing. And the true test of my determination is that it's now 4 days later and I still don't feel badly about turning her down. I gave her the name of a much better player to ask, and I think she'll do a really good job. In my book, it's a win-win.

Now, lest you fear, this is not the beginning of a pattern. My "no saying" is limited to flute playing. I'll still take the piano lessons at all times of day and night calls, and accept all callings that don't involve being a chorister or scouting (yes, I know I'm making exceptions to the word "everything"- but you do want me sane right?). But it's a new day in Loma world, and it's looking like a good one.

So.......

2010-10-01T11:32:00.001-07:00

That last post was kind of, sort of, okay well a lot snarky. I blame it on two things:

1) Since my "special surgery" I've been hitting the strength training pretty hard (the doc put the fear of muscle and bone loss pretty hard into my brain) and all that extra testosterone is making me a bit.....hostile? I think that's the word I want to use.

2) The football season will finally be over tomorrow so that I won't have to attend any more games looking like frumpy mom compared to the herd of glamed up rock star moms that attend. I show up looking like I could sub in for one of the kids should they go down; the other moms look like they are heading off to a movie screening at Sundance. And that's fine- to each their own I say. But it makes me feel a little better in my dark, wicked heart to mock them silently while I sit petulantly downing my 10th Diet Coke of the day.

Still love me even though I'm terrible??

I Would Be Cool If Only I'd.............

2010-10-01T07:31:00.000-07:00

I'm coming out. It's time. I feel like I need to be truthful and that I'll never be really happy until I am honest with myself.

So here goes.

I, Loma, Am............

Not Cool.

I'll give you a moment to let it sink in. I'm sure the revelation has you reeling and questioning your very existence.

Okay, so I realize this "outing" in neither shocking or revealing in any way. Anyone who knows me, or has every had a conversation with, probably realized I wasn't cool within 30 seconds of meeting me. But I've always held this deep desire to be one of the "cool kids": to be a trendsetter, to coin catch phrases, to have people flock around me begging for a tenth of my attention.

Yeah, it will never happen. I like hoodies way too much and talking to people gives me anxiety attacks.

But as a "cool wannabe" I spent a good part of life observing those who manage to turn "wannabe" into "is", and the worshiping masses that follow their lead. I was surprised after high school and marriage to find out that the same social hierarchy of the teen years exists in adult social groups. There are the same rulers being worshiped by their adoring serf clones, and I still don't fit with their crowd.

My ego is big enough that I don't really care that I'm not cool enough to hang with the "popular kids", but should I wake up tomorrow with the world upside down and worshiping a new belief system based on People, Seventeen and Sassy Mormon Mom magazines, here's a list of what I'd need to do make the transformation from dull dreary housewife to uber chic, alpha mom:

1* Rework my wardrobe: Immediately start wearing my 13 year old daughter's clothing (doesn't matter that it's 3 size smaller than I wear as #3 will take care of that). Wear skinny jeans that cost a minimum of $120 and have gigantic white stitches on the seams and bedazzled butt pockets. Only purchase shirts that have a Fleur De Lis or rocker chick floral watermarks and are made of the most form fitting material. Buy those mid-thigh dresses and flirty skirts I always thought were inappropriately short because if you slap a pair of skin tight leggings on underneath it takes care of all those pesky modesty issues.

2* Focus on the total package: Go to hair and/or nail school so I can be perfectly coiffed every day. No more ponytails unless accompanied by a Bump-it. Hair must have a minimum of 3 colors of highlights at any time, and must at least reach mid back length. Make-up application classes wouldn't hurt either. It's hard to get that smoky hooker look without tutelage.

3* Three Words: Size Zero Baby. Eliminate carbs, sugar, saturated fats, unsaturated fats, meat and animal products, processed foods, cooked foods, dairy, caffeine, carbonation and starches. Actually, lumping it under " no more eating" would be easier.

4* Run. Run a lot. Wear the shortest, most inappropriate shorts I can find and under armour sports bras. Run in every marathon and iron man competition in a 3 state radius. Run in the snow, rain, and 100 degree weather. Run with a double stroller of crying children (I'll have to borrow a couple of toddlers for this one) but ignore them and blame it on the killer workout jams playing on my itouch.

5* Be tech savvy: Buy every product starting with an "i". itouch, ipad, iphone. Arrange my life so that I cannot possibly exist without any "i" product.

6* It's not just WHAT you wear but WHERE you get it: Only shop at stores that have names using words like "wet" and numbers such as "twenty-one", start with the letter "A" or "H", or have some reference to Bohemian culture.

7* Being trendy requires commitment: Get a gym membership. Join a drill camp class but then drop it 2 weeks later to take up spinning. Forget both for Zumba.

8* Accessories are just as important as the clothes: No look is completed without some bling and plastic. Bring on the giant beads. Put them in necklaces, bracelets and watches. Never, ever, ever wear fewer than 2 pieces at a time. Gold=time to buy your burial plot; Silver=young and relevant. Follow the "Quinn and Finn" rule: wear giant sunglasses all the time (if you have no idea what I'm referencing you probably haven't watched enough Glee. First, shame on you, and second, go buy season one. Right now- run don't walk).

9* Vampires are Hot: Hold Twilight theme parties for every book and movie release. Be at the theater 16 hours early to get the best seats (make sure you wear you "team Edward" or "team Jacob" shirt!). Have a not-at-all-creepy infatuation with a 17 year old actor who plays a werewolf.

10* Blog

I'm 1 for 10 so I guess I have my work cut out for me. If you see me out running at 5 am give me a shout out; you'll know me by my giant sunglasses and "I heart wolves" tank. I might not hear you because I'll have Justin Beiber running on a loop on my ipod, but know I'm not dissing you because I'm so much cooler than you are. I've just finally committed to becoming the best me I can be.

And The World Is Right Again....

2010-09-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Primetime TV has finally returned. The planets have aligned and the tides have been quelled.

Loma is at peace.

I might just start blogging again.

Kicking the Dog When It's Down....

2010-08-20T19:40:00.001-07:00

So you know how I had my lady parts ripped out 3 weeks ago? Oh, and remember how I'm now really anemic as Lady Dr. clamped off my artery too hard and internal bleeding ensued?

Yeah, well, yesterday my tooth broke. So today I got to spend 4 hours at the dentist getting a root canal and a crown. The dentist was awesome as was his staff (hilarious actually. I laughed the whole time, and I didn't even have any laughing gas), and I could tell he/they really felt bad about putting me through that ordeal so soon after surgery. They handled me with some serious TLC, and have now completely changed my opinions of dental offices (meaning they are no longer the opening to the underworld). They offered me serious pain meds to get through the weekend, but I learned a long time ago that Lortab, Percocet and Morphine are not Loma's BFF's. Motrin will have to do.

I think TQ knew I was just about on the brink of a physical/mental/emotional break down after this last kick in the you-know-where. I walked in the house to a sparkling clean kitchen, a cleaned and organized playroom in the basement, and all the laundry folded. She is truly an angel. For her reward, I got her a Diet Coke from McDonalds and her Itouch was paroled to her a week early.

If your going to have crisis after crisis, I recommend getting a teenage daughter first. You can't have mine though.

What Is Wrong With Me?????

2010-08-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

I can't stop watching old episodes of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. TQ says it's like watching old women pretend they are in high school. Maybe that's the appeal- that you get to vicariously live in the chaos of petty intrigues, cat fights, vain, selfish impulses and gawdy "new money" displays of wealth without having to actually participate in the soap opera-esque life. But no matter the "why" this I know for sure- should I ever travel to New Jersey I'm first frying then dying my hair until it can stand 6 inches above my head on its own without the aid of product; second, locating a tanning salon that specializes in the "extreme jaundice glow"; and lastly, buying every skin tight animal print and metallic shirt/tube top/skirt/dress/leggings in the greater Salt Lake area. I may be just a hick Mormon girl from Utah but I'm pretty sure I can pull off the native look. Speaking like them? Well, that's a whole other problem.

Birthday Wishes to My Sister.....

2010-08-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

(Loma dancing with Princess Manda, circa nineteen eighty-something)

Dear my favorite Manda,
I am so so glad that 25 years, 6 hours and 2 minutes ago our muther birthed you out of her canal. I am glad you came out well and that the epidural- her first- worked. She might have sent you back had it not. Thank you for your first 5 years of life, for being my real-life barbie and dress up doll, and letting me poof your hair to unholy heights and give you layer upon layer of bangs. Thank you for willing wearing countless articles of 80's master neon clothing that I picked out for you. Even after you decided to take you fashion future into your own hands, you still agreed to wear my super ugly forest green, drop waist bridesmaid dress when I got married. For that I am indebted to you forever, and vow to wear any hideous dress or pantsuit of your choice when you get hitched. You also have the distinction of giving me the best wedding shower advice of all time, that I "shouldn't take any of his crap". Your relationship started kind of rocky, as you despised him with the hate of a thousand fiery demons for taking your sister away, but I think that over the past 14 years The King has grown on you, kind of like a rash that annoyed you at first but you've scratched so much that it doesn't really itch so much anymore. You are now and have always been the bestest aunt Manda-Fancy-La La-Single O-Amanda in the whole world, and I hope I can live the rest of my days in such as way that I am worthy so that we can build our next-door mansions in heaven. But until then, you complete me, and the eggs from my single ovary are incubating somewhere in my belly just waiting to be called on should you need them. Oh, and go UTES!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Loma

(TQ, Loma and Manda today- Sisters, BF's and Q-P's forever. Yes, she is taller than me. 5'11.5" to my 5'9.5". I'm not bitter. Well, not much)

(Note to reader- yes I understand that "muther" is not a real word. It's a Quarter-puertor thing. As is "bestest", "la la" and "single O". I'd let you in on the secret, but you'd have to have a DNA test first to prove your heritage. If you are skittish around needles there's a multiple choice "can you use duct tape to fix ________?" test you can take that involves no blood drawing. Sorry, it's how we Q-P's roll gringos.)

Bribery...

2010-08-11T12:03:00.000-07:00

Man Child just told me that I am his best friend all because I (A) didn't make him finish his lunch and (B)let him put off his "rest time" for an hour to finish watching "Madagascar 2" with his brother.

You know that fine line between "gifting" and "bribery"? I'm not above straddling it.

Guess What Fantastic Items Arrived Today In.......

2010-08-09T21:55:00.000-07:00

My mailbox:

(Yeah baby, those are our Utah Football Season Tickets. GO UTES!!!!!!)

And in my Inbox:

Sorry Max Hall- it was too good to pass up :)

Can You Tell What Kind of Day I'm Having?

2010-08-09T12:46:00.000-07:00

I'm going to write a book titled "What I Learned About Being a Parent While Messing Up my Kids' Lives".

Here are a few chapter's I've come up with:

Fiscal Responsibility: Why refusing to take your kids to library because of their massive accumulated fines is better than encouraging their love of reading.

You Have Free Agency- You Just Have To Get My Approval Of It First.

If I Say You Rolled Your Eyes You Did: Mom Is Never Wrong.

It's Okay To Be A Non-Conformist: It Doesn't Really Mean You Are Lazy If You're Not Dressed by Noon.

They'll Never Know What To Expect: How Using the time honored tradition of " you have to the count of 3 to....." but disciplining on count 2, or starting on 3 and getting it over with immediately keeps them on their toes.

From Teenager to Toddler: Why Allowing the Middle Child a Day to Boss and Torment the Oldest for 24 hours is a Great Way to Fix Out Of Balance Sibling Relationships

Reverse Psychology: Me No!
Child Yes!
Me No!
Child Yes!
Me No!
Child Yes!
Me Yes!
Child No!
Gotcha!

Putting it Back in Their Face: How playing the "Mom, Stop Copying Me Game" to Demonstrate how Annoying and Irritating their Constant Whining Is. How Long Can They Handle Hearing You Repeat Everything They Say?

Keeping it Simple: How to Answer the Most Annoying Repetitive Question with One Word Answers. We'll look at approaches to-
What's for dinner? (Food)
Why do I have to go? (Because)
When are we leaving? (Later)

Train Them Early: The Younger They Are The More Gullible They Are.

That's all I have for now. Any suggestions?

Julia and Julia? I Think Not!

2010-08-08T18:19:00.000-07:00

I just managed to burn No-Bake cookies.

It takes a special kind of special to ruin a recipe that most 7th grade Home Ec. students master on their first day being allowed in the kitchen. I wish there was a remedial Home Ec. class offered to adults. Maybe I should look into one of those "get your high school diploma at night" programs. You had to take a certain number of "artsy fartsy" credits to graduate, right? As a band nerd I never had to grace the walls of the art department (and I'm sure the teachers sighed a big 'whew' in relief for that one), and now I see that my home skill training was definitely lacking. Don't even ask about sewing. When we made pajama pants for a YW activity a year ago, the 14 year old girls had to teach me how to use my sewing machine (a kind yet cruel Christmas present from my parents. I can't decide if they were saying "you need to be domestic" or "you really need to be domestic").

So Suzy Homemaker I am not. I wish I felt badly about it, but I don't. I even scooped up the smoking remains of the cookies, rolled (okay forced) them into balls and threw them in the refrigerator. Cooling them down will make it all better I'm sure. If not, I'll just slap some ice cream on top and chocolate sauce and no one will be the wiser.

Until they read this.....hopefully after they've digested for a while....

Guys Just Don't Understand...

2010-08-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

The King just called the hysterectomy post my "vagina monologue".

If only he knew......

Day Three of Football Conditioning.....

2010-08-05T20:39:00.001-07:00

Fox got drafted today.

From his father's reaction, you'd think it was into the NFL, not the WFFL 15 and under league. Apparently he made it on the "best" team with the "greatest" coaches. The whole concept of a draft for 9/10 year olds is confusing to me. How do they know discover the future Chad OchoCinco or Peyton Manning after watching 70 boys run in circles, most of them unable to move under the weight of their helmet?

Fox has never eaten as much or relished dinner more than he has the last 3 days. He is a never ending pit of hunger. At dinner tonight, after shoveling in 2 chicken quesadillas in record speed, he still looked over at my plate with greedy eyes and asked "are you eating that?" Being the kind, generous to a fault mom that I am I offered my dinner, but his dad decided to distract him from foraging by discussing the "motivation" Fox could use to be very aggressive on the field. (Warning- Dr. Phil or any other tv psychology whores would not approve of the following philosophy). According to dad, the greatest part of football is that you can take all of the anger and built up hostility you've held in for 9 months of the year- such as every time you've wanted to pile drive your sister for being bossy or punch a bully in the nose at school- and channel it into pushing the crap out of and totally dominating your opponent on the field.

I sat pretty quietly during this conversation listing to the angel/devil conflict going on in my head (no I'm not crazy- going inside my head and blocking out the rest of the world is my happy place). The devil voice agreed with The King. Fox is very easy going but he allows all his negative energy to build up and build up until he explodes. He rarely gets mad but when he does, holy crap watch out. Three months of hurt feelings, broken promises and little annoyances will come out. Football will be a great way for him to channel all that energy. My father, who played for the University of Utah in the late 60's (did you know the Utes are in the Pac10 now? Oh you did? No, BYU wasn't invited. Sorry- but not really) always said that the freedom to go on the field and just push someone around at will is the best feeling in the world. And even though he was a pad wearing hulk/machine of destruction for many years, he's been a totally productive member of society as long as I've know him. Well, there was that one time when he stopped at a red light and almost grabbed the man who had just cut us off out his driver's side window. But just as his eyes were turning green and his shirt started to tear around his biceps, he settled down and returned to our car and 4 bewildered and semi-terrified faces. Oh, I bet he never wanted me to share that. Whoops.

On the other hand, my angel voice was screaming "no, this is your sweet, sensitive little boy. The kid that tells his overwhelming sister daily that she is his best friend. He is like the Pied Piper to all children under 5; they flock to him as if he were Santa. He gives the greatest hugs in the world". I love him just the way he is; I don't want him to change into a fighting machine. But to be successful I know he has to aggressive and dominate, not be dominated.

I think it's best that I take the back seat on this one and let his dad be the driver. It's so cool watching them "talk shop" and work on drills (except when they take place in my living room and involve pushing couches around on my carpet). I'll stay away from the practices- I'd be too tempted to chew out the coach for making him do push-ups for taking off his helmet, and just cheer my heart out for him at the games. I can be a good football mom. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.......

Fox just asked why you have to use your brain in football. Don't you just get mad and hit people?

I think he's going to do well in this sport.

Question....

2010-08-05T09:00:00.000-07:00

Am I a bad mother because I actually LIKE it when the Man Child is sick? He's so quiet and complacent and snuggly. I almost forget that he's a 40+ pound wrecking ball of energy the rest of the time.

We're Going Well Into 'Too Much Information' Land........

2010-08-04T10:27:00.000-07:00

I bet you've been wondering where I've been.

Alright, so you probably didn't care, or even noticed how long it's been since I posted anything beyond Fox's "quote of the day", but I think I'll explain anyway. It's therapeutic to get things out in the open, right?

Oh, I should probably warn anyone reading with who has a Y chromosome this is going to "no man land". Literally.

Where to begin? About 3 weeks ago I finally made an appointment to see my fav Ob/Gyn. She's my favorite because #1: she's a she and I've never been comfortable with Dr. Dude looking at my lady parts, and #2: we have this great relationship where she doesn't call me or bug me, or care how long it's been since I've seen her (unlike a certain dentist I won't "out". Stupid tooth scraper!). But since we're coming up on the Man CHild's 4th birthday, which coincidentally marks the 4th anniversary of the LAST time I visited her, I figured I'd had sufficient healing time to go again (aka. block out the memory/pretending it never happened.

I just realized that there is a #3 to my list: my Dr. works that speculum with the speed and accuracy of Edward Scissor hands. The entire exam experience would have been 10 minutes start to finish had she not found a "problem". She explained it in very complicated and technical terms (with diagrams and illustrations no less! BTW, there is nothing sexier than a drawing of the female reproductive system. If we really want to cure the world of the scourge of porn, I say we take the skin off the ladies and let the gents see what we look like underneath. I'm just saying.), but in simple man terms I guess in the last 4 years my uterus had decided to fall out.

Did you even know a uterus could fall out? One day I could have been walking into church and all of a sudden birthed a lumpy, pear shaped baby bag in the middle of Sunday school. Now that I think of it, it might of been a good way to get out of the lesson. My timing sucks.

Anyway, Lady Dr. told me I needed to get that puppy out and quick (again, a rough translation). So fast forward to last Monday and wham, bam, thank you mam- I am now fruitless and barren. Luckily my hubby will still keep me.

I'd recommend a hysterectomy to every one- well, maybe not to you men. I know castratos were valued for their operatic voices and as "safe" eunichs in royal courts, but that was so 300 years ago. You go ahead and keep your stuff, unless you are Hugh Heffner and then I say man it's time to retire. Oh, Mel Gibson and Larry King- you too. But we ladies are not as enamored with our lady tubes. Outside of bringing the joy of motherhood, they are basically just a bane on our existence. An iron ball and chain on our happiness. So begone foul matter I say!

I should warn you ladies that the post-surgery recovery is harder and more painful than the blogs and med sites will admit. It felt a lot like my post C-Section, except that the hyster aches radiate like an equator around your entire lower abdomen. I'm a week and 2 days post surgery, and I'm almost back to normal. Had I not had some complications and internal bleeding during the procedure I think I would have been up and running late last week. Oh, it was nothing life threatening luckily- Lady Dr. just clamped one ovary off too tightly and it wouldn't stop bleeding. After trying for 30 minutes to get it to stop, she finally just removed the ovary all together. Which brings up an interesting point. She was able to keep my other ovary. But as it is attached to nothing, is it just floating around in my belly? Can I pass it back and forth like a ping pong ball by pushing on my tummy? Will it migrate north for the winter and hide behind my appendix and try to mate with it, making a ovendix? Or a gallvary? Hmmm....things to things about.

So now if anyone were to ask me if a hysterectomy is a good choice- knowing expense and pain involved- I'd say all in all, totally worth it. I was one of the "fortunate" few whose procedure was a medical necessity so my insurance covered it (for many women it's considered an elective procedure so not covered). I know this will make me feel better. I worry a little about the hormone situation-especially with only 1 ovary instead of 2- but they have come so far in the last decade with hormone therapy that I'm sure it will be alright.

Oh, and just so you're aware so you can plan ahead, I have officially deemed July 26th as "Free From Periods Forever" Day. I'm not sure how long it will take to make it a federal holiday, but when you get the day off with holiday pay you can thank me. I like all things chocolate and carb-loaded. And Diet Coke. But that goes without saying.

Everyone Should Have at Least One of These.....

2010-08-04T10:17:00.001-07:00

Etcetera.......

2010-07-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Man Child upon waking up from "rest time":

Mom, I stink. I am gross. I hate gross. I need to pee pee and fart in the potty.

No kidding.

Verbal Vomit...

2010-07-21T10:07:00.000-07:00

Man Child just pointed out to me that a guy on Wipeout has a "big butt". Actually, his exact words were "Mom! He's got a BIG BUTT! That's DISGUSTING!".

Note to self: always walk behind, not in front of him from now on.

You Only Wish You Could Be Such A Good Parent.......

2010-07-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

On Sunday the Man Child decided that Primary songs just weren't good enough for him during singing time so he broke out with Aerosmith's "Dream On". His father could hear him from across the room. As lightning didn't come down through the ceiling and strike him dead on the spot, I'll admit unashamedly that I couldn't be prouder.

Wait till they hear what we're working on for next week (evil grin).....

Deep Thoughts by Fox

2010-07-18T00:05:00.000-07:00

From the mouth of babes comes truth:

"Mom, if a woman who goes after young guys is called a Cougar, would a guy who dates a younger woman be a Cheetah?"

What I'd like to know is what exactly prompted this vein of thought at his great-grandma's 88th birthday party.

Random Thought......

2010-07-17T23:57:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I just don't like people. But then I get over it........kind of.

You Know You Need A life When.......

2010-07-17T23:48:00.000-07:00

A) You see the movie Eclipse more than once because there's nothing better to do on a Friday night. No amount of 18-year-old hairless buff chest shots can make that movie anything more than a shallow reproduction of a fabulous book (my personal fav in the series).

and

B) You can't stop watching a movie on Hulu about the biblical heroine Esther. It's terrible, but the actor who plays the Babylonian king has the most mesmerizing eyes. Plus it's chocked full of big name stars, which makes me wonder, what bet did they lose that led them to being cast in this travesty. And was it all the same bet, or did they individually owe major bucks to the director and thus he said "you shall now perform in my latest project which will make the big-screen bible drama popular once again.' Mel Gibson tried to bring it back, but as he has gone flipping insane since then I don't think he's the man to emulate. If you'd like to prove me wrong, it's called "One Night With the King". I double dare you to watch it.

Doggie Day Care....

2010-06-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

Conversation between the Man Child and my brother's dog that is currently being "doggie sat" at my parents' house.

Hi Monkey (incidentally, the dog's name is Mikey)

Monkey, do you know me? I am Zachie.

Monkey, I am your friend. So I am going to grab your ears. It's okay.

I am going to grab your tail too, okay Monkey? It's alright.

(at this point "Monkey" ran to hide under the kitchen table)

No Monkey, come back! Monkey you get out here right now! I said NOW!

Good boy, good boy

(oh, and did I forget to mention that Mikey is a girl?)

Monkey do you know my sister Taylor?

At some point during the day MC decided that "Monkey" was actually "Mackey", and was so inspired by his new best friend that MC decided he was a dog too. He barked at a terrified Mackey for 30 minuted straight before I finally told my human/dog to leave him alone. MC stopped barking, but then proceeded to feed Mackey dog food one piece at a time, and I'm pretty sure he sampled it first before giving to his new "best friend".

My arm is getting stiff from patting myself on the back over and over for not allowing pets in our house. If he wants companionship, MC should start looking for an imaginary friend. Preferably one that's housebroken.

Question.....

2010-06-24T20:26:00.000-07:00

Why will my boys sit in the lotus pose and "meditate" quietly because a stupid bird called Mr. Chung on Dinosaur Train told them to, and yet I have to bribe them with every form of sugar loading or Iron Man action figures to get them to be reverent for the 30 minutes that the home teachers are here?

Why the Octogenerians Play Golf....

2010-06-24T20:01:00.000-07:00

That time of year is upon us. Yes, the long summer months of constant whining from home locked children. "Mom, I'm soooooooo bored" "Why don't we ever get to go anywhere????" (it probably goes without saying, but for the full effect you must imagine these being cried in the most pathetic, most annoying voice inflection of all time).

To try to buy myself a few weeks of sanity early on, The King and I signed Fox up for a week long golf clinic that will be followed by a weekly 9-hole game with other kids his age. He's occupied until school gets out in August.

(sigh)

Fox was really excited to go to his clinic last week. Not quite as excited as he is for football the fall, but who wouldn't year for the bone crunching, hard hitting intensity that is football over the mind-numbing monotony of golf? Still, the sport was appealing enough that Fox stayed for the entire first session and actually looked forward to his class the next day.

Upon leaving the course, Fox remarked that there were an awful lot of "old people" at the course. I explained that it was a great sport for the retiree crowd because it was low intensity and they could move at their own pace. He thought my explanation over, and with a brisk "oh" I figured the conversation was over and his mind had moved on to much more interesting things, like asking for the 110th time that day if his friend could come over.

(the answer was still no by the way, even on his 101th try).

Apparently the realization that "really, really old people like golf" stuck with him throughout the remainder of the day and into the next, for the first words out of his mouth upon exiting the parked truck at the course were to that vein.

Fox looked over at me, and with a smile that emoted a mother looking upon a precocious child with adoration and incredulity, pointed out an older gentleman and said "Mom, look at that man over there. I can see that this old guy is taking his last chance to golf before he dies".

Then he sighed as if throwing his arms up in the air and saying "old people-what are you going to do with them?".

Oh what I'd give to have just a peek into this child's brain.

It Brings A Smile to My Face..........

2010-06-07T21:42:00.000-07:00

Ha ha, wanna know what's really funny?

Watching your 13 year old throw a hissy fit because you shut down the "kids laptop", which happened to be perched on your bed right where you are trying to sleep, and now her itouch is no longer charging.

Why oh why is it so important that the item in question gets charged immediately????

Because that's how a certain 13 year old gets around the "no texting" rule on her phone. She's figured out that she can use her Facebook app to IM a certain 13 year old boy any time she wants.

Too bad I keep unhooking her itouch so it never charges all the way.

Momma's no so dumb, is she?

Have I Ever Told You How Much I Hate Camping????

2010-06-07T21:29:00.000-07:00

I hate it thiiiiiiiiiiiis much (arms spread as wide as possible- if I could I'd use Shaq's arms for the 7' wingspan).

Yet off I go tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.

Yep, you read that right. 7 o'clock in the freaking morning.

Did I mention it's supposed to rain all week too?

Oh, I must have forgotten because I'm so unilaterally focus on how much I despise sleeping in tents.

Here's the problem. I love my calling. I love my girls. I love being with them. I just hate being dirty, smelling like a funky combination of fried pork product and brush fire, and sleeping in the most uncomfortable environment imaginable.

Yes, I'm a prissy princess. I both own it and rock it.

Once a year though I try my hardest to shut down the little voice in my head that pleads "hotels can count as camping as long as we work on some knot certification while watching movies. And the pool will totally work for safety and first aid training" and pack up the dusty sleeping bags and tents (cause they never see the light of day the other 51 weeks of the year) and attend a good ole' fashioned Young Women campin' trip.

Granted, last year we stayed in the Taj Mahal of all YW camps, the Heber Valley camp, and this year we are at our stake property which boasts a newly remodeled lodge and toilets and showers, so life could be a whole lot harder. But you know me, I must find something to whine about. It's kind of my "thing". And until they build cabins I'll cry like my three year old when he hasn't had a nap about the fact that I have to sleep in a tent.

I know, I know. Get over yourself and have a good attitude. I DO have one about girls camp, I promise. I just don't have one about tents.

It's baby steps to perfection people. I'm just a wee bit (or several miles) behind the rest of the world that's all. I'll get there someday.

Note From A Student....

2010-06-03T15:58:00.001-07:00

One of the most darling little boys to ever walk the earth just left a note for me on the practice chart:

" I love you.
You are Nice.
Love you Lots.
P.S. Wow"

I can't tell you how much I needed that today. Kids are awesome! Now if my own kids felt that way........

Why I LOVE Glee....

2010-06-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

I just realised that Brittney's Cheerio outfit was on backwards during the onslaught of Vocal Adrenaline "funk".

It's the little details that matter people.

By the way, did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

Thanks to Brittney I've had to alter my entire world perspective.

And hide my diary from my pets.

Being Contemplative.....

2010-06-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

Someone remarked to me the other day that my kids are always sick. As I thought about that statement, I realized that there was a lot of truth in tht statement. Has there been an extended period of time over the last 6 months that one of my brood or myself hasn't had some bug working it's way through our system? As I thougt about it more, I determined that the blame for our propentsity to illness is twofold: first, genetics. Asthma, spierocytosis, acid reflux, gall stones, retinitis pigemntosa, heart disease, diabetes, cancer......take your pick, we've got a limb for it in our family tree. TQ was finally diagnosed with asthma a few weeks ago after months of progressively stronger attacks (lesson learned- when doctors want to blame something that's been going on for 6+ months on allergies, insist on more tests) and the after math of dizziness and migraines. She is now on a daily steroid which has helped immensely. Poor Fox just can't get a break. Along with being the lucky recipient of the Retinitis Pigmentosa genes, we're pretty sure he also inherited spierocytosis which depresses the immune system and causes severe anemia. The slightest sniffle in the rest of the fam turns into a full blown flu in Fox. He's down today after coming home from school yesterday with a scratchy throat, his face bright red and head sweating from a fever. I was positive that I sent him to school healthy and yet 8 hours later he's barely functioning. After a year with him I think his teacher has become accustomed to how quickly Fox can go from running on the playground to being so sick he's laying on his desk in a stupor. Nothing fazes her anymore. It kind of stinks that the year is over and we'll have to start afresh with a new teacher in the fall.

The second reason for the frequent cold and flu appearance is my chosen occupation. I love teaching piano out of my home. It gives me so much joy and fulfillment. When I graduated from the U I knew that I would not teach full time for many years- at least until my kids were all in school if I could manage. So I tucked away the degree and haven't regretted that choice once. But I really working with children and music, so teaching from home seemed like a great way to balance out my desire to use my skills and still be available to my family. I love the kids I teach and their families. I've watched so many of them grow upright before my eyes- some of my earliest students are now married and have children of their own! However, the downside to having my workplace in my home is that my "classroom" is just the same as any classroom where children are; it's a giant petri dish. Every cough, sniffle and sneeze that's passed on at school is brought to lessons via my cute but unsuspecting students. I try to sanitize as much as possible, and encourage parents to keep their kids home if they are sick, but often times the bacteria are in an incubation stage or and haven't reared their ugly heads so the kids will come to lessons infected but not showing symptoms. Fast forward 3 days later though, and they're coughing and so am I. Of course, then it makes the round through everyone in our house and by the time we're recovered something new has been brought in. I have seriously considered if it's worth it, especially with Fox's crap can for an immune system, but I haven't come to a concrete conclusion yet. If we have another year like this past one though I may have to take a serious look at the risk/reward ratio and make some tough decisions.

Don't you want to visit my house now? I should hang an "enter at your own risk" sign at the door.

Flasback To...The Draper Elementary School Song

2010-05-27T19:29:00.000-07:00

Draper Dragons, the Dragons are we...working together as a team.....except for the socially akward girl in the corner who won't stop crying.....

(Yup, that's me. Stop laughing. Never mind, go ahead. I was ridiculous)

2010-05-26T18:56:00.000-07:00

TQ just realized that PBS is "keeping secrets" from the toddlers and under ten crowd.

"Why doesn't the Man in the Yellow hat have a name?" she asked. "Is it because he's a victim of identity theft?"

And 2 seconds later, "you know, they are hiding the truth from us. Everyone on these shows is far too happy. Where's the recession? The war with Iraq? George Bush being an idiot?"

I don't know if I should be really proud or really, really worried about he jaded outlook on life. When you stop seeing the joy in Curious George and start asking tough questions it's time to change to CNN.

But then again, she was called a whore by some delightful young man as were exiting her junior high awards ceremony just 20 minutes ago so she might be projecting her anger from that lovely episode at humanity and mankind in general. I think the George Bush slam tipped me off.

He's been out of office for a year and a half now dear. It's time to find a new politico to mock and scorn. I'd suggest Glen Beck, but that's just me :)

Your First Mistake Was Trusting Him...

2010-05-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

I should have known Zach was up to trouble when he was waaaay too quiet while my sweet visiting teacher was here. I thought he was just being considerate and letting me enjoy a visit with Kae Lyn while watching tv in my room. Nope, he was giving himself a hair cut. He looks like he just got out of a prison camp now. His enormous head just can't pull off a buzz.

People With English Degrees Are Above Worldly Trappings....aka Technology Is LAME!

2010-05-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

It took me 2 hours this morning to figure out how to transport the text from a spreadsheet to a text document. Finally I just retyped the whole dumb thing. And yes, I am in an AWESOME mood, thanks for asking.

Now the Man Child is yelling at me "I need help! I need help" while throwing his game in my face.( Btw, could the Star Wars song on an eternal loop be MORE annoying? Really, the brilliant minds that created animated Lego Sith Lords couldn't come up with more than one song for the game? Seriously!). It's so cute how MC thinks I actually know how to work a stupid Nintendo DS. He's 3 and has mastered all but the most difficult nuances of the gaming world. His older siblings know better. They gave up asking me for help years ago.

I am getting so old.

Those All Important Bonding Moments.....

2010-05-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

Today as I texted my momma about some random bit of nothing, it hit me how great it is to have reached the stage of life where the parent/child relationship has morphed from teacher/disciplinarian/instructor to friend and confidant. As a teenager I never thought we'd make it to this point- two very strong willed and opinionated women, with a barrage of teenage hormones and insanity in one house does not make for a whole lot of harmony or mother-daughter warm fuzzies. But somehow we got through it, and by the time I got married I was finally beginning to realize what an amazing and cool (yes, I'm saying mother and cool in the same sentence) person Moma de Loma is.

I think we made it through for 2 reasons #1: my very large Puerto Rican dad and his crazy scary "mad eye" which could instantly freeze my sarcasm riddled diatribes, and #2: the fact that my mom was just so much fun to hang out with. While most kids my age were hanging out at friends' houses and (shock) dating, I was laying on my mom's bed watching bad 60's surf movies and making homemade pizza and fries. We'd stay up half the night playing stupid card games all the while arguing over who was the biggest cheater. 15 years later we're still doing those things, but now I have a daughter of my own in the mix.

One of TQ and my greatest similarities is that we'd rather hang with my mom/her grandma and my sis/her aunt than any other people on earth. It doesn't matter what mundane task we're doing: making dinner, bottling the harvest from God's Little Acre or tying a quilt for yet another relative's wedding, we laugh and have fun. Of course there is a lot of Diet Coke and sugar consumed during these times. Smiths should send us personalized Christmas cards for spending the gross national product of a 3rd world country in their store on candy and DC.

This past weekend TQ and I got to have a sleepover with Gma and Aunt Fancy in between funeral activities and boy's night. We rediscovered the Lawrence Welk skit on Saturday Night Live thanks to Hulu (best web site ever, hands down) and acted it out while playing Life.My poor dad. He was so overrun with estrogen I think he might have started his period. What a good sport he is though- he lasted through one game that should have taken 45 minutes but because of our need to act out the entire game as Judy/Janice from the Lenon sisters spoof it ended up taking almost 2 hours.

It was bliss. I almost wet my pants 3 or 4 times from laughing. And at our house, that how we gauge comedy: if it doesn't make you loose your bladder it's just not that funny. That's why you should try to always bring an extra pair of pants and undies when you visit mom and dad- you never know when you're going to need them.

Or maybe invest in some Depends.

Is that too much information?

A Question for Those Who Know...

2010-05-23T17:05:00.001-07:00

Can I watch the finale of Lost tonight having not watched the last 2 seasons and NOT be completely lost?????

Cause I love a good series ending. Even for a series I could care less about. There are way too many characters and too many story lines. And my pea brain can only handle so much at once before it gets distracted by the updates on Facebook or the smell of cookies in the kitchen.

Look, I Farted! Where?????? In There!!!!

2010-05-23T16:56:00.000-07:00

Apparently somewhere along the line Man Child decided that you can see a fart.

That's why he sitting on the toilet mad as h%## right now that we won't let him off because he hasn't produced a #2 yet.

He claims he farted. He made his father come look in the bowl to verify said toot.

Either it is invisible or our son has inadvertently equated fart with poop.
I see lots of dirty underwear in his future.
And embarassing accidents at school.

Fortunately I've almost decided not to send him to preschool this year. 100% potty trained is mandatory for admittance and I have a feeling we'll be fighting this potty battle for months to come. He'll have it by 4 right??? And in another year he might be able to sit still for 10 minutes at a time and actually pay attention to the teacher.

Yep, we're definitely waiting. The battle of 3 hour church has taught me both his and my limits. Zach can't get excommunicated from church but I know he can get expelled from preschool. And I can't have a preschool flunkie on my conscience.

Operatic Wonder.....

2010-05-20T12:45:00.000-07:00

In an hour I'll be on my way to Fox's school to what his end-of-the-year program.

I love his teacher- she could have gone with the old stand by of Ode to the Utah pioneer or Tour of the Good Ole' USA. Instead, the class wrote an opera. Yes, you read that right. An OPERA. An opera about our local claim to fame, Hill Air Force Base.

This should be so entertaining.

Fox tried out for and won the part of "spy". He gets to dress in all black and get arrested at the end. His favorite part of the entire show is when he gets handcuffed. I am glad he doesn't have a singing intensive role as his "atonal pitch issues" tend to stick out even in the largest of choirs. He is blissfully unaware of his disability, and sings with the gusto of a hard core rocker.

His dulcet tones may make him a future audition round American Idol castoff, but I wouldn't have him any other way.

This Just In................

2010-05-19T11:34:00.000-07:00

BYU football: Unga can't rejoin team this fall, will likely turn pro - Salt Lake Tribune

This article has begrudgingly given me the most respect I've had for BYU in years. Way to stick to the Honor Code no matter what BYU, and despite all the national criticism. One experience that left a bad taste in my mouth from my 2 years at BYU happened during my first year when I shared a class with 6 or 7 BYU football players. Each Monday and Wednesday they laughed and chatted through the entire class, having the nerve to sit by me and then ask for my notes at the end of class. Wait- I should qualify that. They'd ask if they were feeling gracious. Mostly they'd just look over and copy them. I'll be honest, at first the attention was flattering but that was quickly erased by irritation and shock at how completely DUMB they were. About 1/2 way through the semester I finally became smart enough to plan arriving to class at the last minute so they couldn't find me in the middle of 300 students. Now before you get all upset and point out that the U players probably do the same thing, let me state that I agree. It goes on everywhere. The difference with BYU is the Honor Code each student must agree to abide by. It just really bugged me that I was busting my butt trying to listen and learn while these jokers laughed about how they'd slide through the class. Grrrr..........

So props to BYU today for sticking to their guns. I know it wasn't the popular choice and you'll be lambasted by your own fans, but it was the right one.

Who Has Time For Blogging When Dinosaur Train Is On?

2010-05-19T08:25:00.000-07:00

I've been a little distracted lately.

Okay, a lot distracted.

My house is a mess. The laundry goes straight from the dryer to the laundry room countertop only to sit there for days waiting to be folded. Dishes sit in the sink until noon at the earliest.

Who wants to work when you can watch back to back episodes of Dinosaur Train on the DVR?

If you haven't discovered this toddler gem, then get it on your schedule NOW. There is an entire episode dedicated to poop. Big poop, small poop, it's all poop they sing. It's okay to poop in the open cause everyone does it.

LOVE IT!!! I made the king watch it last night after Glee. He didn't laugh out loud like I did, but I think that's because he's a big onery butt-munch because of work stress. How can you not be amused by logic such as "every dinosaur eaats, so every dinosaur poops"? These are important life lessons people!

BTW.........Glee (sigh). I love/hate every single character. That's what makes it such a fantastic show. I want to pummel Hummel (good alliteration, eh???) one second then give hime a hug and wipe away his tears the next. I did not love the Madonna episode- it sacrificed story line for Madge idol worship- but every other episode, including last night's, has been incredible. I can't wait for the Rachel/Mommy dearest drama to unfold next week. Tuesdays can't come fast enough.

Don't you love that I haven't blogged in 6 weeks and my first new post is about TV? I have prrorities people.

What I Learned Today......

2010-04-01T11:53:00.000-07:00

I've decided that the worst phrase a mom can hear coming out of their son's mouth is "Mom, I put my finger in _______________". No matter how you fill in the blank, it's bad news.

Note To Self....

2010-03-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

If one was to, hypothetically of course, allow her 3 year old to wear a football t-shirt under a sweater to church because all of his real church clothes are sitting in the pile of dirty laundry that has been collecting for 2 or 3 weeks, one should probably make sure he can't take of said sweater during the first 30 seconds of Primary.

One should also make sure the 3 year old is not called on to stand in front of the entire primary to hold a picture during sharing time, especially on the off chance that on that particular day the picture will need to be held for ALL of sharing time (about 10 minutes), not just the normal 15 seconds.

Because that would be SO humiliating to the poor mother to have her child paraded in his homeless t-shirt church ensemble for all to see. I'd fully expect an annonymous bag of clothing to be dropped on her porch later in the week by some charitable soul who witnessed the scene and thought "that poor child, can't his parents afford a shirt and tie? I'm going to make some calls- I think Sister so-and-so has a boy about his size.....". What kind of masochist mother would let that happen??

Me I guess.

My Son, The Exhibitionist...

2010-03-26T12:01:00.001-07:00

Man Child took his shirt off in the truck on our way to the mall.

Now he's taken it off again.

At least we're at home

Maybe someone declared this house naked land and I didn't get the memo.

Visitors, you have been warned. Enter at your own risk.