Friday, February 10, 2012

Jail Bird

Our conversation in the car after Zach had taken off his seatbelt for what had to be the 1000th time in his life: Me: Zach put your seatbelt on now. Zach: But mom, I like this song (he was dancing). Me: Zach do you know what will happen if you don't put your seatbelt on? A policeman is going to pull mom over and give me a ticket. Zach: Okay (resumes dancing) Me: Fine, do you know what else will happen? The policeman will take mom away and put me in jail. Is that what you want to happen? Zach: (without skipping a beat) It's okay mom. Dad and I will visit you and bring you a cake. On the day this kid graduates from college I'm going to show him this blog and say, "spend the next few hours reading this and you'll see why your dad and I gradually went insane during the last 21 years". I bet he'll offer to bake me a cake.

Friday, February 3, 2012

Too Risqué for Facebook, But It Had ToBe Written Down Somewhere...

A story about an important moment of discovery: Setting: Zach playing in my bathtub while I'm reading just outside the door in my room The conversation: Zach- Mom, come here! Zach- Mom come here right now! I have something very important to ask you Me- What's up Zach? Zach- Mom,what are THESE? (points to his man parts) Me- Those are your testicles Zach- My WHAT? Me- Your testicles. Those are the things that will make you a daddy some day. Zach- They'll do WHAT???? Me- Make you a daddy. They hold your semen and that's how boys create babies. Zach- Oh. (few minutes of silence as he mulls this info over) Zach- I guess I won't pop them then. Good call Zach.