Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Proud Parenting Moments....

Man Child: "No go to bed. I watch Earl" (as in My Name Is Earl, a totally appropriate show for a 3 year old). New words he's bound to pick up from tonight's episode: douche bag, butthole, tongue down a stripper's throat, dumb@$$.....

Man Child: "Shut up dad"- earlier today it was "Shut up Fox". If he's going to be disrespectful and inappropriate at least he's sticking to his own gender.

(Note to The King, because you're the one who allows him to watch it: absolutely no more Earl for MC, no matter how nicely he sits through it without saying a word)
TQ: "Bubble wrap is cheap, therapy is expensive. You choose"

Man CHild: "Thank you for Poppa, Gama, Clifford (he omits 'The Big Red Dog', and he's right to; the name is redundant. It's pretty obvious Clifford is big, red, and a dog)". MC's standard meal and evening prayer. Apparently these are the only 3 things he loves.

The King: "We DO NOT pee in a garbage can or any other container including empty soda bottles just because you don't want to stop playing Rock Band."

Loma: "Okay, who plugged mom and dad's toilet AGAIN???"

Fox is conspicuously absent from the list (well, except for one entry in which the culprit was not named but let's just say it wasn't a girl and it wasn't the boy who still wears diapers), mostly because he has spent the last 3 days sick in bed with a stomach bug. The poor kid catches everything.

So that he doesn't feel left out I think I'll mention that he has vomited on the floor twice.

No man is left behind in this house.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Anyone Remember Three Men and a Baby??

Boy in the corner behind the curtains: Urban legend or "bring your kid to work then misplace them" day on the set?

I have to admit, when I was a wee tween and the mysterious "ghost boy" was pointed out to me I freaked out a little. They had to notice the boy when shooting- he was SO obvious. There was no reasonable explanation for how the director, producers, camera men, lighting dudes, food service people, editors, and screeners missed the blatantly out-of-place extra in the scene.

He had to be a phantom. A phantom that haunted Tom Selleck. Because he hated his mustache.

At least I thought so until today, over 20 years since the 3M&AB ghost first encited an entire week worth of night terrors (yes, I'm a bit of a wuss. Watcher in the Woods is still the scariest movie I've ever seen).

Today, we downloaded our pictures from Thanksgiving at The Grand America. The King really wanted to take some pictures of the kids and I in their beautiful hallway. The boys wouldn't cooperate but TQ and I were totally up for an impromptu photo shoot. Upon viewing the results, I realised that we had NO IDEA where The Man CHild was for the 10 minutes we were posing, and that I should feel really blessed that he entertained himself hiding in the 15' Parisian curtains that are worth more than my car rather than running up and down the hall screaming like the exorcist.

A new urban legend is born.

Warning: If You Have No Sense of Humor Concerning Max Hall's Tirade Stop Reading Now

My brother and fellow Ute alumnus sent me the following email on Saturday and I've been itching all weekend to post it. Unfortunately a certain SOMEONE (no names here- I hate ratting people out, but by someone I might just mean a certain 5'4" twelve year old with brown hair who wears infinitely nicer clothes than her mother- who incidentally just so happens to have the patience and forgiving heart of a saint!!) tried to access my google account and got my password all messed up so that I had to wait until TODAY. Hopefully it is worth the wait:

SALT LAKE CITY, UT - In response to BYU quarterback Max Hall's recent statements, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has adopted an amendment to its Thirteenth Article of Faith. The revised declaration now reads, in pertinent part, "We believe in being honest, true, chaste, benevolent, virtuous, and in doing good to all men except those affiliated with the University of Utah , its football team, or fans thereof."

Additionally, LDS Church spokesman LaVerne Christiansen stated that General Authorities who had received academic degrees from the University of Utah would be immediately granted emeritus status and removed from their callings. "Except for President Monson," Christiansen explained, "because he repented of his [University of] Utah Bachelor's Degree by getting an MBA from the Lord's One True University ."

In related news, church scholars engaged in the Joseph Smith Papers Project have reported that they have recently discovered Smith's personal notes regarding the "inspired" translation of Matthew 5:44. "The King James Version has Christ telling his disciples to 'love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you,' which is all very good," said Project Editor F. Merrill Baker, Jr., "but the [newly discovered] Prophet's translation includes a caveat, making it clear that the Lord's pronouncement doesn't apply to the Utes."

"It's marvelous," continued Baker, who holds a doctorate in archival archaeology from Brigham Young University, "and it reveals that even though the University of Utah wasn't founded until 1850--more than five years after his death--Joseph Smith knew by the spirit of prophecy and inspiration that its football fans would spill their beer on BYU fans."

Just in case you didn't follow the admonition in my title and are now super offended and ready to turn me into my local church leaders for apostasy, might I remind you that THIS IS FAKE. You can't find it in the SL Tribune or the U's student newspaper, so don't even try. Besides, it won't work; I happen to know that my Bishop isn't a BYU fan.

Church is true people.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

So How Exactly Does Kelly Kepalski Fit Into All This???

Did anyone else watching the Tuesday night premiere of "Scrubs" Medical School" have a deja vu flashback to "Saved By The Bell: The College Years"?????

Just asking.

Never mind. Turk and JD have way to much guy love going on to ever be likened to the rivals/sometimes friends Zach and AC Slater.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Crazy Much????

In the last 24 hours I have painted my half bathroom a total of 4 different colors: Bright green, brown green, yellow, and finally gray-green.

I have serious issues.

But 4 gallons of semi gloss later, the bathroom looks fabutastic. I have to remind myself that it's only a guest bath and as we are unloved and unvisited (hint hint) it rarely gets used except by the 6-10 year old piano students who occasionally consumed too much water in their "after school but before lessons" snack.

Oh well, it sure does look purdy.