Doggie Day Care....

Conversation between the Man Child and my brother's dog that is currently being "doggie sat" at my parents' house.

Hi Monkey (incidentally, the dog's name is Mikey)

Monkey, do you know me? I am Zachie.

Monkey, I am your friend. So I am going to grab your ears. It's okay.

I am going to grab your tail too, okay Monkey? It's alright.

(at this point "Monkey" ran to hide under the kitchen table)

No Monkey, come back! Monkey you get out here right now! I said NOW!

Good boy, good boy

(oh, and did I forget to mention that Mikey is a girl?)

Monkey do you know my sister Taylor?

At some point during the day MC decided that "Monkey" was actually "Mackey", and was so inspired by his new best friend that MC decided he was a dog too. He barked at a terrified Mackey for 30 minuted straight before I finally told my human/dog to leave him alone. MC stopped barking, but then proceeded to feed Mackey dog food one piece at a time, and I'm pretty sure he sampled it first before giving to his new "best friend".

My arm is getting stiff from patting myself on the back over and over for not allowing pets in our house. If he wants companionship, MC should start looking for an imaginary friend. Preferably one that's housebroken.

Question.....

Why will my boys sit in the lotus pose and "meditate" quietly because a stupid bird called Mr. Chung on Dinosaur Train told them to, and yet I have to bribe them with every form of sugar loading or Iron Man action figures to get them to be reverent for the 30 minutes that the home teachers are here?

Why the Octogenerians Play Golf....

That time of year is upon us. Yes, the long summer months of constant whining from home locked children. "Mom, I'm soooooooo bored" "Why don't we ever get to go anywhere????" (it probably goes without saying, but for the full effect you must imagine these being cried in the most pathetic, most annoying voice inflection of all time).

To try to buy myself a few weeks of sanity early on, The King and I signed Fox up for a week long golf clinic that will be followed by a weekly 9-hole game with other kids his age. He's occupied until school gets out in August.

(sigh)

Fox was really excited to go to his clinic last week. Not quite as excited as he is for football the fall, but who wouldn't year for the bone crunching, hard hitting intensity that is football over the mind-numbing monotony of golf? Still, the sport was appealing enough that Fox stayed for the entire first session and actually looked forward to his class the next day.

Upon leaving the course, Fox remarked that there were an awful lot of "old people" at the course. I explained that it was a great sport for the retiree crowd because it was low intensity and they could move at their own pace. He thought my explanation over, and with a brisk "oh" I figured the conversation was over and his mind had moved on to much more interesting things, like asking for the 110th time that day if his friend could come over.

(the answer was still no by the way, even on his 101th try).

Apparently the realization that "really, really old people like golf" stuck with him throughout the remainder of the day and into the next, for the first words out of his mouth upon exiting the parked truck at the course were to that vein.

Fox looked over at me, and with a smile that emoted a mother looking upon a precocious child with adoration and incredulity, pointed out an older gentleman and said "Mom, look at that man over there. I can see that this old guy is taking his last chance to golf before he dies".

Then he sighed as if throwing his arms up in the air and saying "old people-what are you going to do with them?".

Oh what I'd give to have just a peek into this child's brain.

It Brings A Smile to My Face..........

Ha ha, wanna know what's really funny?

Watching your 13 year old throw a hissy fit because you shut down the "kids laptop", which happened to be perched on your bed right where you are trying to sleep, and now her itouch is no longer charging.

Why oh why is it so important that the item in question gets charged immediately????

Because that's how a certain 13 year old gets around the "no texting" rule on her phone. She's figured out that she can use her Facebook app to IM a certain 13 year old boy any time she wants.

Too bad I keep unhooking her itouch so it never charges all the way.

Momma's no so dumb, is she?

Have I Ever Told You How Much I Hate Camping????

I hate it thiiiiiiiiiiiis much (arms spread as wide as possible- if I could I'd use Shaq's arms for the 7' wingspan).

Yet off I go tomorrow morning at 7:00 am.

Yep, you read that right. 7 o'clock in the freaking morning.

Did I mention it's supposed to rain all week too?

Oh, I must have forgotten because I'm so unilaterally focus on how much I despise sleeping in tents.

Here's the problem. I love my calling. I love my girls. I love being with them. I just hate being dirty, smelling like a funky combination of fried pork product and brush fire, and sleeping in the most uncomfortable environment imaginable.

Yes, I'm a prissy princess. I both own it and rock it.

Once a year though I try my hardest to shut down the little voice in my head that pleads "hotels can count as camping as long as we work on some knot certification while watching movies. And the pool will totally work for safety and first aid training" and pack up the dusty sleeping bags and tents (cause they never see the light of day the other 51 weeks of the year) and attend a good ole' fashioned Young Women campin' trip.

Granted, last year we stayed in the Taj Mahal of all YW camps, the Heber Valley camp, and this year we are at our stake property which boasts a newly remodeled lodge and toilets and showers, so life could be a whole lot harder. But you know me, I must find something to whine about. It's kind of my "thing". And until they build cabins I'll cry like my three year old when he hasn't had a nap about the fact that I have to sleep in a tent.

I know, I know. Get over yourself and have a good attitude. I DO have one about girls camp, I promise. I just don't have one about tents.

It's baby steps to perfection people. I'm just a wee bit (or several miles) behind the rest of the world that's all. I'll get there someday.

Note From A Student....

One of the most darling little boys to ever walk the earth just left a note for me on the practice chart:


" I love you.
You are Nice.
Love you Lots.
P.S. Wow"

I can't tell you how much I needed that today. Kids are awesome! Now if my own kids felt that way........

Why I LOVE Glee....

I just realised that Brittney's Cheerio outfit was on backwards during the onslaught of Vocal Adrenaline "funk".

It's the little details that matter people.

By the way, did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

Thanks to Brittney I've had to alter my entire world perspective.

And hide my diary from my pets.