Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Rites of Passage.....

A guilty conscience is a very valuable thing.

This morning on the way to school, Fox decided that he needed to come clean and confess to some stealth nighttime activities that had occurred late last night.

Where was I during these covert activities? Blissfully unaware of anything but my nice warm bed and footsie PJ's. As The King is in Maryland at the moment, I enjoyed the freedom and power of a remote control I rarely get to touch, and shows he'll never, ever watch with me (aka. "eye candy" shows like The Mentalist. Mmmmm.... Simon Baker).

His confession does explain the door slams I kept hearing, but failed to care enough to check out. I was warm people.

Apparently Fox got the itch at bed time to prank his big sis. Sneaking downstairs (which actually didn't require all that much "sneaking" because mom was in her "happy place", but the fear of being caught is half the fun, right?), he grabbed one of the Man Child's sippy cups out of the cupboard and then dashed back upstairs.

A cup??, you ask.

Not just any cup- one with an airtight lid.

You have to know where I am going with this- at least if you have a brother, or boy friends, or cousins, or have had any prolonged exposure to adolescent males.

Yes, he took that cup and farted into it.

Of course, the trick is not actually farting on cue. Any red blooded boy can do that. It's getting the lid on quickly enough that the fumes don't dissipate.

Fart jar in hand, Fox took his "present" to his sister's door and knocked. The poor, trusting girl actually let him in. Fortunately for her, Fox hasn't quite mastered the laws of gases so when he ripped the lid off and laughed maniacally, "can you smell that? Muahhahaha", he basically diffused the odor into the entire space.

I can only image how let down he must have felt when TQ answered "Not really".

Next time, make HER open the can son.

Even though it didn't have the effect he was hoping for, all in all it was a valiant first effort at gross out boy behavior. Where do they come up with these ideas? Who was the first guy to say "I wonder what would happen if I farted in a cup?" I think it has to be one of the classic nature vs. nurture situations. Within each Y chromosome comes the instruction to pee in public, moon everyone in sight, belch so loudly it hurts your ears, and fart with no abandon or embarrassment. That gene just needs a trigger to be turned on. Perhaps it's puberty, or all the preservatives in the potato chips and microwave bean burritos. For Fox, I'm sure the idea has been stewing in the back of his brain for a while now, ever since his dad told him about the time on his mission when he and his comps farted into bottles after a particularly spicy and greasy Gualeloupian meal and then mailed then to the missionaries on the other island in their area. Then the doofus called to see if the poor guys got their package and how bad it smelled. Their efforts, unlike my son's, were successful. Gagging ensued, mouth vomiting occurred, eyes watered and tooth brushes induced bleeding gums while trying to scour out the fume. They probably had to go to counseling after.

So the lesson from all of this?

Don't ever open a sealed jar unless you're sure it came from a chick.


  1. Oh, that is hilarious! Everyone needs a good laugh now and then. Thanks for providing mine!

  2. It was my, I mean Fox's, pleasure!