The Battery Powered Motorcycle...aka possibly the most dangerous present we've ever given.

Whilst playing Santa's little helper with his father, Noah pointed out that Zach's present now allowed him a functional mode of transportation for when he runs away from home. It even has a storage container for the five shirts and one pair of shorts he always packs (notice no undies) when he gets ticked and heads for the hills. I'm not too worried though. Along with underwear he always fails to remember food in his satchel. He won't last 10 minutes until his tummy growls.

When He Has Therapy Later in Life He'll Refer Back To This Moment Alot....

An emotional canyon just opened up between Zach and I. He asked if Sponge Bob was my favorite show too, and when I answered in the negative he gave me a "you are dead to me" look and turned away.

More Things that Teenagers Post....

After perusing the crack cocaine that is Facebook for a bit (okay a half an hour) is afternoon, I was reminded of a few more things that I need to add to my "List of things teenagers post that make me want to claw my eyes out"....
 11) Pictures of themselves posing in front of their dimly lit bathroom mirror giving the peace sign.
12) Pictures of themselves with the title "oh my gosh I look so bad today" when they obviously spent the last five hours getting ready. Kids, it's okay to have self-esteem. You don't need to go fishing for compliments.
13) In reference to #12, it is equally annoying when their friends reply to these pictures with statements such as " you are so much prettier than I am" or " I wish I was skinny like you".  Hence an ugly circle of "who's fatter/cuter" debate ensues for the next 3 months.

Please teens, stop. Enough damage has been done. I need the bloody vein fragments that are left of my eyes if I ever hope to get a transplant after Facebook goes the way of MySpace.

Taylor's guitar concert solo

Zachie-isms....

About a classmate: "I didn't hurt her feelings mom. I fixed them!" About his Primary teacher: "teacher was not at church on Sunday. She got fired. Yeah, she got fired cause she used the wrong kind of chapped lips medicine." About his bad behavior: "But mom, you can't get mad at me. I'm your very most special boy!" About his favorite brother: "hey bro, you want to play Legos with me cause you love me?" About being told no: "No more kisses for you until you give me a treat!" About feeling the spirit of Christmas: "Santa has his own special night where he gets to bring me presents". Oh my Zach :)

Cella Family Circus

So I really need to know, does anyone else ever feel like this?????

We just got back from the Ward Christmas party, and I'm pretty sure the powers that be are trying to figure out a way to politely "forget" to invite us next year. While the other ward members were enjoying the lovely "stroll through Bethlehem" my little monsters were running in circles, spilling multiple cups of water, loudly proclaiming inappropriate feelings such as "when will this finally be over" and "I should be able to play with my iPod because this is sooooo boring", and the piece de resistance, screaming at the top of their lungs "I want more dog nut balls!!!!!!". Oh, and my teenager used the night to let everyone know how mean her parents are because they ruin her social life (aka make her babysit when people call and ask her) and lecture her for FOUR hours for holding a boy's hand. In other words, the very most appropriate place for her to bring the family's dirty laundry out for airing.

How did we punish such behavior? Well after counting to ten several times, we called for pizza from the parking lot, hit red box for some family friendly movies, and laughed our heads off as we recalled the train wreck that was our evening. Maybe not the best parenting- okay it's not even close to mediocre parenting- but I just couldn't bring myself to chastising. These are my kids, and they are pretty amazing in my eyes. Coming from two borderline insane parents, I'd say they are a freaking miracle. I'd like to think that we'll do things differently and better next time, but it probably won't happen. And I guess I'm okay with that. Welcome to the Cella family circus everyone!!!

What I'm Feeling on this Lovely Evening......

*Haters are no bueno. Let's show some love people, and respect each other's differences.

*This is the second greatest day of my life. The first was the day Taylor babysat for the first time. Tonight, Noah babysat Zach for the first time for three hours and the house was still intact when we got back.

*My husband would gladly give me over to the robbers and murders who would attack us in the middle of the night if we left even one stupid door unlocked, especially if it meant he could save himself. I think it's because I'm puerto rican and therefore more naturally inclined to knife fighting.

*The Colbert Report is 100 times funnier than John Stewart. I just learned that you can get a poop

transplant, cause sometimes you need to "eat crap in order to live".

*Walmart at Christmas time could be part of a "Lord of the Flies" themed reality show.

Things Teenagers Post in Facebook That Make Me Want To Stab My Eyes Out

1) Lyrics to Justin Beiber songs.

2) Lyrics to any song.

3) Recaps of their out-of-context conversations that are never funny.

4) Professions of their undying and forever love to their boy/girlfriend of 2 weeks.

5) Professions of total heartbreak when said boy/girlfriend breaks up with them at week 3.

6) Girls calling each other racial slurs, then fighting over who is the bigger "ho" and who is fatter.

7) Group bashing sessions on their sorely underpaid and unappreciated teachers because the teacher had the audacity to call them on their crap, or dared to enforce rules such as not letting them make up an assignment that was turned in 3 weeks late.

8) Boys who call girls "hot" and think that's a compliment.

9) Asinine and degrading "rate me" games.

10) Any game that allows one person to rip and tear apart another under the guise of a "status update".

From the Mouths of Babes

Zach just told me that he needed to turn his power off, so he went under the counter in the kitchen, turned his back to me, pulled up his shirt and started twisting something. I asked him if he'd show me his power button. He pulled up his shirt, pointed to a nip and said " see mom, that's where you turn me on and off. You just have to twist it". He didn't get why I thought it was so funny, so maybe when he's older I'll have to let him watch The Wedding Singer :)