I'm just going to stop trying to make myself any better right now, because judging by what Zach said to me on my way home from Walmart (or Walcrap, which is what it should be named. I swear, there is something in the air at that store that turns children into monsters and sucks all the patience out of parents)it doesn't get any better than this. I had just told him that there was NO FREAKING WAY I was going back to Walcrap tomorrow to get him the gummy bears that he had screamed for the entire way through the store. And by scream, what I really mean is that I had to check the floor multiple times because I was sure he had to have popped out a lung from the force.
No, not embarrassing at all. I love have octogenarians look at me with judging eyes. You could see the "my child was never allowed to act like that in public" written all over their pupils. Well, in "your" day it was acceptable to beat your child with a whip for talking out of turn, so excuse me if I'm not impressed.
So back to the car ride home.... Zach was crying (again), I was trying to tune him out (unsuccessfully) and we were a miserable pair in general. Until I hear a quiet realization from the back seat. "I'm going to jail. Momma is gonna put me in jail".
Now, I can't take credit for threatening him with imprisonment; I have no clue where he got that (for real- I only wish I was that clever). Maybe he was remembering Gitmo???? But whatever inspired the threat, it made him stop crying. Before I had to sell him to gypsies.
So here's the lesson I learned. If your child is being heinous, just sit back and let the fear take over and he'll discipline himself. He'll stop fighting, you'll get guilt free resolution (aka. no whip necessary). Win, win. At least until next time.