Friday, July 17, 2009
My List of.....Questions That Pop Into My Head While Watching Sesame Street.
*After 30+ years, why hasn't Big Bird mastered the alphabet? Why isn't this guy in a special education program? Perhaps someone should take Radar away.
*Why is the count called "the count"- as if he's the master of counting or something? The man can't count beyond double digits!
*What happened to Gordon's wife Susan? I bet she left him for a guy with a mustache AND a beard.
*Why does it take 2 guys run Mr. Hooper's store? There's only one aisle! And how does Chris live in NY on a store clerk's salary?
*How many people really take their toaster to a repair shop anymore? And how do Luis and Maria make any money considering they'd have to charge $5 to fix one because people could just buy a new one at Walmart for $10?
*Why don't Bert and Ernie just get over it and break up? They never get along, Ernie is always waking up Bert, Bert has severe OCD, and their interests are so different (rubber duckies vs. bottle caps and pigeons) What do these guys see in each other?. Time to move on to a new unibrow Ernie.
*When Baby bear starts growing a beard and drinking will the poor guy finally get an age appropriate name? Isn't he in his teens now? If they had ever sent him to school perhaps a speech therapist could have worked on that lisp.
*Where do all the cookie pieces go that cookie monster "eats"?
*What ever happened to Zoe? Did she become an EMO when she realized that she would never be as cute or lovable as Elmo? I bet she wears all black now and is lead singer in a goth band and writes lyrics about how life is pain. Perhaps they'll do an E! True Hollywood Story on her in a few years- one of those "what happened to this child star" episodes.
*Why are they trying to teach children that it's okay to be whiny, bawling emotionally needy monsters in the song "It's Alright, You Can Cry"? Adulthood is all about emotional suppression- it's better to prepare them early.
*"Triangle Bob"- Sesame Street's answer to "Sponge Bob"- is the most blatant and pathetic attempt at being current and relevant in a world of mass media and product marketing to date. I know this is a statement, not a question, but it deserves being said anyway. Whatever writer came up with that brilliant idea should be demoted to writing "letter of the day" spots.
*Did Mary of the "Mary Had a little lamb" nursey rhyme have gender realignment surgery, and if so, how was this not picked up by the major news networks? (Maybe they did a feature on Fairy Tale news and I just missed it) Mary has become Murray and hangs with a lamb named Ovahita. Just a suggestion-she/he probably needs to cut down on the testosterone shots, cause she/he is getting awfully hairy.
*Wouldn't it be considered cannibalism to eat fruits and veggies that can talk and sing? Why are they so happy while they sing about how delicious they taste- are they suicidal??
*Is it really unreasonable that Oscar is constantly grouchy? I would be pretty pissed too if I had been stuck in a garbage can on the sidewalk for decades. Lets try for some compassion and understanding people.
*Why hasn't any other couple/person on SS other than Luis and Maria been able to have a biological child? Don't get me wrong- I'm all for adoption. But why hasn't someone investigated if there's something in the water that causes infertility?
*How can Hoots the Owl play the sax without fingers?
*Was Prairie Dawn the secret love child of Guy Smiley and Polly Darton? If so, where did they send Prairie Dawn to grow up in anonymity while being trained in the biz? Hee Haw?? Branson Missouri maybe??
*Why didn't anyone send a social worker to investigate Snuffalupagos's home life? It's not normal for someone to be that lethargic and depressed all the time.
*How do the characters not feel violated with hands stuck up their butts all day long? SS must have really good attorneys to have avoided sexual harassment suits for this long.