Wednesday, January 28, 2009

I'll make you my dirty little secret

Some say confessing is good for the soul. Here's hoping!

My dirty little secrets:

I have read all the Twilight books at least 4 times, and I made “Edward's Team” and “Jacob's Team” t-shirts with my sister that I wear all the time under hoodies and sweaters. By the way, it's not even a choice. It's Jacob.

I only eat the icing off of cupcakes. If they are homemade I pull the top off and throw the rest away, but if they are Hostess I freeze them first then peel the frosting off like an apple.

I generally stay away from any church activity that involves a pot lock dinner because I won't eat food that's prepared by people I don't know.

I make my kids reuse towels for 3 or 4 days because I hate to do the laundry. Since I'm the one doing it, I get to use fresh towels everyday.

I have DVR'ed Days of our Lives for the last 4 years until about 3 months ago when I switched to General Hospital because the guys are hotter and the plots “more realistic”. Plus, I just really wanted to vomit every time John and Marlena made out.

I took my older sister to an NSYNC concert as a surprise when they last came to Utah and I don't know what's more embarrassing, that I really enjoyed it or that I could sing along to most of the songs.

My dream vacation would be to travel through England and visit all the sites of Jane Austen's novels.

If I could go back in time it would be to 19th century England because the clothes were seriously kickin. The down side is that I'd probably be burned at the stake as a witch since I'd try to initiate the feminist movement 200 years too early.

When I die the people I want to meet most are Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, Beethoven, Abraham Lincoln and Michelangelo.

I fully expect my dog Bella to be resurrected, and I hope she knows where to find me since we moved and her body is still at the old house. Maybe I should put up signs....

A few years back (like 8 or 9), I had a serious addiction to WWE wrestling. Yeah, I mean pay-per-view subscribing addiction. It's totally real, right? And don't even get me started on Big Sexy and Triple H. Bow chika wow wow.

I sadistically attacked a mouse with a shovel when it scared the crap out of me in my parent's garden. My father finished the job by driving over it's convulsing body with the tractor.

My greatest ambition as a tween was to be a clogger with the Korner Kanyon Kickers.
Here's one of my sister's DLS's- she STILL wears one of my old costumes as a night shirt.

I like to drastically cut and dye my hair to shock people (not really a secret, I know). And by people, I usually just mean my parents. You should have seen my dad the day I came home with a fake belly-button ring!

On the first day of junior high I wore an all red outfit- red stirrups, red socks, red shoes, red shirt, red banana clip. Oh, and I was probably 30 pounds overweight. How bad was it ? Remember in Sixteen Candles when the grandparents are describing the missing Long Duck Dong's clothes to the police and grandpa answers into the phone “No, he's not retarded”. It was THAT bad.

In high school my most romantic date included a fender bender in his t-top trans am and dancing to Kenny G in the parking lot of an elementary school. I know you're wondering, so I'll just say it. Yes, he had a mullet. And yes, he played in guitar in a wanna be band.

I've wet my pants when I laugh really hard since childhood. At Camp Oakcrest the summer before 8th grade I wet my pants almost every day and had to wear pj bottoms when I ran out of clean pants. Once during in my freshman year at BYU, I flooded myself during a covert egging manuver with an enemy apartment. Now that I've had kids it also happens when I run, jump, skip, walk upright,......

A few hours after the aforementioned egging incident, the cops came to our door and I totally broke down bawling, confessed all the bad things we'd done that night, and then begged for forgiveness and promised to steer clear of any and all deviate behavior in the future. Turns out, they were just checking to make sure we weren't having a party (there had been a noise complaint from someone in the building so they were checking all the apartments on our side). I would never make it in prison.

I fear losing my teeth. I have nightmares where I'm just talking and all of a sudden they just spontaneously fall out. I think I'll just go for dentures before that happens.

I really, really, really want a tattoo. I'm not even kidding here. A big one too. On my shoulder. Maybe a giant chinese symbol for PMS. If the Church ever changes it's mind, I'm the first in line (speaking of, didn't you love Mama Mia??)

And for my dirtiest little secret.....well, it's not so little and those who know me best already know it so I guess it's not really a secret anyway ;)

I love secrets


  1. holy crap mom, you make me laugh!!!

  2. Mindi,
    You are brave and I love it!!! I watched Days of our Lives when the kids were little. Every single day I would pray they would go to sleep so I could have one hour of diversion. I even had a 25th anniversary book on Days that I finally threw out when we moved. I regret it as I could have given it to you when John and Marlene the young ones on the show---about 30 years ago.
    I didn't know you love secrets. I can't seem to keep them so nobody tells me any and so I have none to share.
    I feel as though I know you so much better and like Keep sharing--you are an amazing writer.

  3. I laughed my butt off when my friend wrote me an email telling me how funny the "loma chick" is. It took me a sec to understand what she was talking about. Then I busted out laughing while I told her it was you. I saw she is now following your blog: Kristi. Seriously you might have a cult following on this thing with how hilarious you are!

  4. I vividly remember the day that you sang like a canary to the cops! You would never make it in prison girlie!

  5. Sadly, I would be some butch's girl toy within a month :(