Tuesday, March 3, 2009

If Only I had Talent...

Tonight on American Idol they announced a contest sponsored by the purveyors and distributors of holy water (for anyone not in the know, that's the ambrosia known as Diet Coke). Contestants must design a new Coke cup for the fabulous foursome of constructive criticism as they have pretended to guzzle it for what seems like 18 seasons now and are in desperate need of a new marketing ploy. Seriously, if they were REALLY drinking it, Paula/Kara would have some major junk growing in the trunk, and Randy would need another gastric bypass by now. At a minimum they'd be stopping for potty breaks every 10 minutes. Maybe that's why they do all those tacky, mindless montages and Jr. college produced Ford commercials- so the judges can relieve themselves of all the Coke they've been contractually obligated to drink.

But I digress (like always).....

Despite the obvious exploitation and attempt to pander to the sugar addicted 10-18 demographic, this contest is totally up my alley. I live, breath, and will probably one day die by this drink (well, the diet version). Who is better equipped I ask, than I, to design a cup dedicated to it's greatness???

Oh right, some one with actual artistic talent.

Here's why I can't possibly design a holy grail for the greatest of all carbonated beverages, as much as it would complete my existence to do so. I have absolutely NO artistic ability whatsoever. When they were handing out talents in Heaven I skipped right by the art line with all the funky, quirky people wearing tie-dye robes and headed to where the denim clad beefy chicks and 95% of the men were: the power tool line.

Oh well, it probably wasn't meant to be anyway. The PTB would probably realize just how obsessed I am and get a restraining order on me for stalking the Diet Coke production plant.

But in the next life, I'm totally signing up for classes with Monet- or maybe I should try sculpting. I hear sculptors get to use welding tools.......


  1. Your talent is writing! You seriously have the gift, my friend. You always have me laughing my head off in a style that's all your own....

  2. Tiffany, you are truly the best!!!