You hurt your what????

My all time favorite 80's chick movie is Sixteen Candles. How many girls wanted to experience their first kiss while sitting on a glass top table and didn't mind handing their undies over to a desperate nerdy freshman after watching it?? And don't even get me started on Long Duck Dong. A while back I found a fantastic web site called 80's Tees that sells shirts with classic 80's phrases (yes, I'm stating the obvious here) and they have a whole series on the Donger. My problem is that I'll buy every single one of them, plus everything from the Goonies(such as Sloth's "Hey you guyyyyssss" and Chunk's "Truffle Shuffle"), Dirty Dancing ("No one puts Baby in a Corner")and Top Gun (Iceman, Maverik-puurrrrr. I'll even give a "good job on ER shout out to Goose). The King wants the "Cobra Kai Never Die" and "I Kicked Daniel Larusso's A** Back in '84" shirts from Karate Kid. They also have current shows as well-I'm thinking of getting him a "Slap Bet Commissioner" or "It's going to be - wait for it- Legendary" shirt for Father's Day (if you don't know what these reference, shame on you. But to save you time on goggle, they're from How I Met Your Mother).

As always, I digress. Sixteen Candles taught me valuable principles, but one of the most important is that whenever your grandparents that you haven't seen for years come to town, and in their absence you've "blossomed", wear baggy clothing or strap those girls down. Fortunately I never had a spasmatic grandma say to me "Oh look, she's gotten her boobies", but my mom did accuse me of padding once and a humiliating wrestling match ensued as she tried to pull the very absent tissue from my AAA cup trainer bra.

Having my own daughter in the "blossoming" years has really opened my eyes to just how much mentalities and views have changed towards female development in the last 20years. It was totally taboo to talk about "the P work" in our house and among my group of friends. It was basically a non-subject. We were really proud to finally get training bras in junior high and made a big deal of asking each other if the straps could be seen under our shirts. My daughter and her friends are not inhibited at all. They discuss anything and everything about "blossoming". And I think it's great. For instance, this conversation occurred between the Tween Queen and her BFF at lunch recess yesterday:

(I should probably set this up. The BFF was feeling cramps for the first time and was really worried about having to participate in PE later that afternoon)

BFF: My down under is shaking and hurting!

TQ: Your WHAT????

BFF: You know, my Lady Tubes! I can't run today.

TQ: Well, tell Mrs._____ (the gym teacher).

BFF: What am I supposed to tell Mrs. ___ , "Sorry, I can't run today. My lady parts hurt!"


I almost wet my pants laughing when TQ retold the conversation to me after school. I know they got most of their vocabulary from the movie Syndee White ("lady tubes" are what the single dad calls the fallopian tubes while describing menstruation to a 11/12 year old Sydnee. He makes a great model out of plumbing parts). I am truly glad they can talk so openly and honestly with each other instead of being ashamed or embarrassed. But I guess the lesson we can learn from this is that if you want to teach your child about any of the delicate topics of life, you can always look to Hollywood for the answers. I'm just going to set my two year old up in front of the TV for a few days and let him learn all he needs to know to succeed.

And TQ, I PROMISE you that I'll talk to you about anything and everything you want, even if it makes me curl into the fetal position, and I'll NEVER check your bra for tissue.