Tuesday, March 10, 2009

What I Learned at School Today....

Guess what happens when you show thirty 11 and 12 year olds their first animated erection?

Giggling. Lots and lots of giggling.

I should add that the animation also included ejaculation. Um, ewwww. I REALLY hope that in the midst of all that giggling they didn't listen to the part that explained WHY the "stiffy" happened. Girls should not know what power they hold over men until they are married and can use it as a weapon.

Luckily the Tween Queen (formerly the Drama Queen- she has now earned the right to be called a tween as she is exactly 55 days away from turning 12 and has really cut back on the sudden emotional outbursts lately. We learned today that they are a "normal" part of maturation- as if knowing that makes them any easier or funner to be around!)put her face in her hands, assumed an upright fetal position and began rocking back and forth. It's the same position I take in church on Fast Sunday when the ward crazies get up to talk.

I've been watching her all night for signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. So far she's okay, but since she hasn't really talked too much since I think she's internalizing the shock and it will all come out later. Hopefully she's not internalizing the visuals as well.

I don't remember my 6th grade maturation program being that graphic or descriptive. All I remember is getting a flower and a lengthy discussion on how it symbolized our own bodies blossoming; into what, I'm still not clear on but they found a way to describe puberty without every really using the key clinical words. Today they started right in with an informative video that described testicle dropage, semen, and wet dreams- wham, bam, thank you mam! The Man Child was with me and you'd think he'd be delighted to know what wonders awaited him in a decade or so, but instead he was just really ticked that the movie wasn't Cars .

They say that children are maturing so much faster these days, and if that's true and the reasoning behind the elevated graphic nature of the standard maturation program, I'm so glad that I grew up in the generation of the late bloomer and developmentally underachieving. I think my parents were really glad too.

Oh, and by the way hubby dearest-
When it's the Fox and MC's turn, you get to go. I don't care if you have to take work off for it. I'm not going anywhere near that meeting.


  1. wow, wow, wow....yes, that sounds much more detailed than the maturation program that I remember....and much more traumatic! I hope this comment works.

  2. Lol...(Im Angies friend) I grew up in the Very liberal Washington state...We got to see graphic pics of STD's, received phonebook sized maxi pads, and "ditto" copies of "the act". I was in sixth grade. I received a condom in seventh grade. Enjoy! I will blissfully pass the years before I too have to endure this trauma...
    Love your blog. You always make me laugh!

  3. Wow- my hubby is from Washingtn too, so I'll have to grill him on what ed. he got. Maybe that's why he NCMO'd every girl within 10 feet of him. Hmmmm......

  4. I don't think that you'll have to worry about going to your boys 6th grade maturation...neither one of my boys would LET me within a mile of that one...Dad had to go. I went with them to the 5th grade meeting--no biggy, but that 6th grade one is a doozer! Glad you both survived.

  5. thanks for preparing me for next years class. sounds like real fun. i will let cory handle the boys when their turn comes. i hope my kids are "late bloomers". these teen things have snuck up on me.