Flashback to......I want to be a cow!!!

Fox is the most unintentionally funny person I've ever known.

Last Friday as we were traveling to my parents' house in the wee hours of the AM, we happened to be listening to the morning show on 101.9 when the Stupid News came on. One of the first stories came out of Australia where a woman was pulled over for driving erratically. When the cops (do they call them cops there??) walked up to her car, they were shocked to find that not only was the woman wasted while driving but she was Nursing too!!! There are so many levels of stupid that I could go into here, but that's for another day. TQ and I immediately began to talk about the weird places people will nurse in public when Fox chirped from the back seat "What's nursing?".

I started to explain to him in the least graphic terms what it was, but I could almost see the wheels churning in his mind as he was trying to piece together the "mom feeding a baby from her body" thing all on his own.

His first stab at understanding "Oh, so I get it mom. So the mom drinks milk from a cow and then she gives it to the baby" (I forgot to ask here how exactly he thought she "gave" it to the baby- what a missed opportunity)

Me: "No son, her body makes the milk on its own."

Fox: "WHAT!!!!!!!!"

Can you tell my kids were all bottle fed??

Me: "Yes son, when a woman has a baby her body makes milk"

Fox: "Oh, so women kind of are cows"

Me: "Yes, in that respect I guess we are"

Fox: "So where does the milk come out?"

Me: "Where do you think it comes out?"

Fox: "Well, cows have udders- so I guess there. Oh my gosh, do women have udders???"

Me: "Well, before I answer that, let me ask you- where do you think they'd be if we did?"

Fox: "You know, down where their wienies are."

Me: "Son, girls don't have wienies."

Fox: "I know that, but they'd be where the wienie should be. Would you milk them like this??" (Use your imagination, but he started making the motion of milking a cow in the crotch area.) "Moo, moo, moo"

I should mention that by this point TQ and I are laughing so hard that we both wet our pants a little.

Me: "No son, those udders are called Boobs on women"

Fox: "Oh" (he sounded really disappointed by this news. Crotch udders are much more interesting than boobs apparently). "Mom, now I really wish I was a girl too, because I want to be a cow"

Moo, moo

Son, that's a conversation we'll save for another day.