Thursday, April 9, 2009

Thank You Stephenie Meyer

Today I decided to be a nice mother and take the terrifying threesome, aka. my children, to a movie (Monsters vs. Aliens- wasn't that great). Actually, my motivation wasn't all that kind. We are all pretty sick of each other after an entire week of being together 24/7. I have no idea how we are going to survive come June.

As the MC and I had spent all morning watching PBS on my bed and finally showered at 11:00, I was really hoping that the other two chirrens would be able to get ready in 15 minutes (nothing like making plans at the last minute, right?). TQ was dressed to kill as always (she's reached the age where she won't leave the house without full hair/makeup/outfit), but I knew Fox was probably in a wife beater T and basketball shorts. You can imagine my surprise when he walked into my room with a Chaps long sleeve, button down shirt on with a brown T underneath, and clean jeans with no holes. He was even wearing socks. His hair had been water styled into the "Edward do".

Thank you Stephenie Meyer.

Because she created a well dressed and groomed vampire who attracts every lady with a pulse, my son- the boy who up to this point refused to wear anything but short sleeves and thinks that jeans can be worn for 3 or 4 times in a row depending on the number of times he's played soccer or football in them and how deep the grass stains go- actually cares what he looks like. It's not even Sunday!

Apparently, the Twilight phenomenon is not limited to those with XX chromosomes. Can you imagine how wonderful this world would be if every male decided to become an Edward (minus the blood drinking, no pulse issue). It would be like we'd taken a time warp to the first half of the 20th Century, when men dressed up to impress their ladies, shined their shoes, opened doors. Perhaps there would be a rebirth of dueling, and men would fight to the death to defend a woman's honor. It's the ultimate act of love, the sacrifice of one's own life in place of another.

But I'm getting carried away.

Fox wants to be like Edward because he "rocks" with the ladies (he's planning to try his new persona come Monday on the lovely blond named Emerson who sits behind him. I've met her- she's a cutie), and because of his uber cool powers. To be honest, at 8 years old the powers are much more appealing to Fox than charming the same girls that torment him daily at lunch recess. He wants to be able to run faster than anyone alive, be strong enough to rip out trees, and jump/fly over mountains and trees. He wants really cold skin that sparkles in the sun- he even warned me that now that he's a vampire I should probably keep him out of school on sunny days or everyone will know what he is.

On the way to the movie, Fox had a flash of brilliance. Why couldn't he be a Ranger Vampire?? What could be more perfect than a fusion of the RPM series black and/or Jungle Fever rhino Power Rangers and vampiric perfection? Fox RV would be indestructible, and would have lots of different cars to make the first and only handsome but deadly Megazord.

All this, and he hasn't even seen what the werewolves can do.

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