MC: "Porn, Porn!!!!" Screamed joyfully at the top of his lungs at my dad who had just brought him a bowl of popcorn to eat while watching Cars.
Granny Andy (my grandma): "Don't you know I'm a rich b@#$%" Yes, that was my almost 90 year old granny calling herself the B-word. She was trying to explain why she should be paying for lunch.
Dr. Phil (aka. my dad): "This one is going to give you a run for your money". Spoken in reference to the MC. Considering this is from my dad, the ultimate grandfather who never has a bad word to say about anyone, it's basically the same as if he'd said "this one's going to end up in prison".
Dr. Phil: "Does he ever stop eating" Again, about the MC. Really, this is the first time you've noticed it dad? He burns off so many calories moving non stop that the MC has to eat all day long to preserve the unholy growth spurt he's been in since 2 weeks old.
Muther (aka mom): "Aren't my boobs perky?" She just found a new bra with (her quote here) "water bags" in the cups, and the girls haven't been this high since before child #3.
Loma (in response to the above): "You should get a boob job then they'd be sitting high all the time, plus I could call you Pamela Anderson."
Uncle Frank: "We could install a zip line from her house to yours and attach granny's belt to it and give her tush a push". We were trying to figure out a way to get my granny from her house to my parents' house 2 doors down with having to walk.
Random character on TV: "You'd be a lot more fun without that pole up your butt". Yeah, I haven't heard that one before
I love being at my parent's house.