If you've ever wondered if you are the worst parent on earth, worry no more.
You couldn't have possibly done anything worse than what I just did.
I gave away the puppy.
Yes, I suck. I am a heartless monster.
There's not much that I can say to defend myself, other than I was just sick of dealing with her. Puppies need lots of love and attention, and I just didn't have it in me to give. When it came down to it, the dog and the Man Child required constant supervision and discipline, and well, I couldn't give my son away if he never caught on to potty training.
Last night we put an add on KSL.com and within 5 minuted of being posted we had probably 20 calls. I think the combination of the words "free" and "puppy" made the offer irresistible. We even had 2 families race to get over here- it was a first come/first dibs offer. A lovely woman with a 4 year old daughter ended up the winner. Ezzie will really be loved bu this little family, and I think in a way Heavenly Father made us the conduit for His blessings. This woman, you see, recently underwent a hysterectomy. She is still very young, so having the ability to have more children taken away was devastating. Ezzie will be like a child to her and her husband, and a sibling to her daughter. That's exactly the type of family Ezzie needs and deserves. She is will so happy and adored.
It broke my heart to watch Ezzie leave, not because I would miss her but because Fox and TQ were trying to be so strong in front of the new owners, but it was impossible to keep the tears at bay for long. Fox cried hard but only for a few minutes-he was less attached and still a little scared of her. TQ, however, retreated to her room and would only emerge when I bribed her with popcorn. Her eyes were bloodshot for crying. Knowing that only 2 people on earth could cheer her up, I called my parents and they took over the consoling. Within a few minutes (and due to some self-deprecating humor, I'm sure- you are THE BEST mom and dad) she was laughing and so recovered that she was able to list off what she wanted for her birthday next week. Aunt Fancy is taking her for a spa day. Poor grandma has the unfortunate job of finding the perfect clothes-TQ has gotten really picky in the last year. But she will- she's magic and perfection all rolled up into a beautiful and unconditionally loving package. Thank you, thank you, thank you mom.
Someday I think the kids will come to understand the reasons behind my actions. Some day they will be parents and fell like at the end of the day they have given everything and all that they have to their family, and there is just nothing left over for themselves. They'll be so tired that they wish they could sleep for hours and days on end. But they won't, because they know their family had to come first. But in the process of trying to be Superparent, some concessions and hard choices have to be made.
Until then, I'm okay with them being mad at me. I'm mad at me too. I wish I could do everything and be everything I think I should be. Superwoman I'm not, but then again she never was real.