Sunday, June 14, 2009

Hollywood Moms- No Matter What They Say, They Are Not Like the Rest of Us

I always laugh at "news" magazines when they try to suggest that celebrities are "just like us".

Who are they kidding?

No one wants to see Mrs. Suzy Homemaker next door playing opposite Brad Pitt. We clamor to theaters and TiVo countless hours of television to see the .001% of the population whose DNA reflects the genetic evolution from hairy cave man to aesthetic perfection acquired by thousands of years of natural selection.

I'm okay with being just normal. I think the majority of people in the world are. But when Hollywood tries to insist that their standards of beauty are "normal", I take issue with that.

For example, today I saw an article on about Ali Landry (the Doritos girl is her one claim to fame I believe) and her post-pregnancy weight loss. The lead with the header "Ali Landry doesn't exercise for 2 years". Immediately I thought "good for her. That's my kind of chick!". Frankly, after giving birth, especially by C-section, the last thing you want to do is pull out the P90X videos. You can also forget about yoga unless you have an unholy amount of bladder control. All I could handle for the first 3 or 4 months were long, slow walks. So you can see why I was impressed and felt a sense of camaraderie with this C-Lister (or maybe B-lister, I have no idea what kind of power she pulls in LA) who defied the standards set by the likes of Nicole Kidman, Jessica Alba and J-Lo. Really, do you need to run a marathon or spend 4 hours a day in the gym? Don't you need a nap?

But then I read beyond the first paragraph. It is revealed that Ms. Landry lost weight by other measures than exercise:

"Instead of hitting the gym, Landry, 34, relied on a home-delivery meal service to drop her pregnancy pounds. 'I lost the majority of the [post-baby] weight pretty fast doing that,' Landry told PEOPLE. But I have to say, it was that skinny fat when you don't work out, and you're not toned."

(Am I the only person out there who would by totally okay with being skinny fat?? I mean sure, I wouldn't sign up for any bikini contests but since I didn't do that before I had kids it's not as if I'd be missing out on much)

But never fear, Landry resolved to overcome her unacceptable physique when the Agents came a calling.

"But Landry quickly got shocked back into exercise mode when she was asked to join the cast of the ABC celebrity sports competition The Superstars (which premieres June 23) – and realized she'd be baring her body. "When I got the paperwork for Superstars, and I saw they asked what size swimsuit I wear, I had a hot flash, nearly broke into cold sweats and hired a trainer immediately," she says.

Oh, so that's how we are supposed to lose the baby weight. Hire a personal chef or sign up for home meal service to get down to "skinny fat", then move on to the personal trainer for the Mrs. America pageant body. I'm pretty sure there are about a dozen personal chefs in my entire state, and I'm not sure my family would appreciate eating ramen noodles and PB&J just so mommy could fit back in her almost-skinny jeans 4 weeks post delivery. If I added in the trainer, I'd probably have to give up my Diet Coke budget for the entire month as well. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing in this world, is worth that sacrifice. I think I'll just stick with my 15 year old treadmill in the basement and

The great F. Scott Fitzgerald once said, "The rich are not like you and I".

Amen to that.


  1. I agree. I think of all these celebrities having babies and wonder how in the world they juggle work and home and appearances, etc. Then I read somewhere that Brangelina has a nanny for each kid and a house manager, maids, chefs, etc. So, basically when it's convenient for them to be parents, they can. Otherwise, they just go wherever they want to go and do what they want to do and appear where they need to appear. Where's the responsibility? It's like they're living in some perpetual high school made up world or something. So lame. That's not how parenthood really is. I think it sounds glamorous to a point, but you'd miss out on all the good stuff that comes along with parenthood (and some of the bad, but more good than bad, right?).

    I know I'm way off the weight issue that you were talking about, but I like me some Hollywood smut so I have more to say. I look at what's happened to Jon & Kate and how they went from a poor, but content family to a very superficial, rich, uncontent family. It's sad what fame does to people, and honestly, I think a lot of stars just act like they're happy when they're interviewed, because that's what they are...actors. It's such a strange life they lead. Like, going to awards ceremonies and posing for cameras for hours on end. Can you even imagine? When was the last time there was an Academy Awards for Accountants? It doesn't make sense. It's like they created this world to be the center of attention and to praise themselves.

    You're right...they're not like us, and amen to that. I apologize for my rant. lol.

  2. Rant on girl- I totally agree. No one knows how to celebrate and award themselves like Hollywood.

    Since I never get rewarded for anything anymore I guess I'll just live vicariously through my kids. Fox got a free kids meal at Costa Vida for not gettins a bad ticket at school for an entire month. Maybe I can frame it or rub it with gold filigree??????

  3. I just downed an entire tub of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked icecream. Nice :)

  4. Yeah, but don't you run 10 miles a day??????

    Seriously, congrats on Ragnar. You are officially my hero :)