Thursday, June 18, 2009

When you can't vent in person, you blog....

What to do?????

I am seething inside right now. The immature, temper fueled part of my brain wants to lash out with a verbal whipping that would scar even the most thick skinned person.

But I can't.

So I'm going to blog.

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about my daughter's "BFF" who had suddenly decided to give her the cold shoulder. TQ has tried over and over to apologize for whatever she's done to hurt this girl, but the BFF will not relent. Two weeks ago, TQ sent her a final plea for a renewal of friendship. She has heard nothing back.

Until this morning.

TQ received a text from the "BFF" saying "check your email". Oh No.
I made TQ open it in front of me, in part so that I could gage her reaction but also so that I could quickly shut it down if the text was too volatile.

No letter that starts out 'I'm sorry this is going to hurt you but...." is ever good. It basically went on to say that she and her 2 other friends have decided that they don't want anything to do with TQ, and like all stupid female spats, there was an issue with a boy that the "BFF" likes. TQ is very good friends with this boy, who is going out with the "BFF", and she doesn't like that.

I hate seeing my daughter hurt. I cried with her, I cried for this young girl who I loved like a daughter, and I cried for the stupidity of adolescent jealousies. I tried to explain to TQ that this girl has no idea how hard it is to move to a new school at the beginning of 6th grade, when most everyone else has know each other for years, and try to make new friends. TQ tried to make friends where ever she could (a point that the "BFF" used against her I might add- apparently the girls she hung out with at the beginning of the year were not acceptable) and I am so proud of her for acclimating so well. One of TQ's best attributes is her ability to be friends with lots of people, and to stick up for the underdog. It really hurts that this former "BFF" is now using that against her.

As far as the young man in question goes, TQ is about a foot and a half taller than him and thinks of him as a friend. She's waiting for someone over 5'5" I think.

My hands are tied here. It's not my fight, and I've told TQ that it can't become a fight. The best revenge is to show your enemy that you are happy without them. Kill her with kindness. Smile as if it doesn't hurt. Add in the fact that I'm one of the "BFF's" church leaders as well and you have a big giant mess if we let our true emotions show on our faces. In the year that I have worked with these girls at church, I have come to love each of them in such a way that I would consider it unconditional. I guess this might be Heavenly Father's way of testing the truth of that.

As I write this, I can already see the truth of my own feelings. Of course I still love this little girl- that's why it hurts so much to see her make these choices.

TQ's response back to the email?


Thanks for being the bigger person TQ. I heart you forever and ever.


  1. I don't think you could have handled this situation in any better way. You are an amazing mom, woman, leader, and friend. My aunt always says, "I hate free agency!" when her kids do something she disagrees with. I have to agree with her. Free agency sucks when it comes to those we love. I don't think it ever is without company of tears, heartache, and trial of our utmost patience. I love that the lesson is on forgiveness this week. I know TQ won't be there, but it sounds to me like she has already mastered the concept. She's a bigger and better person than I'll ever be. :)


  2. Thanks so much. You are such an awesome leader- TQ really wants to attend our ward this week because she says you are the best teacher and she loves your lessons. Grandma and Grandpa's ward is just not the same.